Keeping Never Read Free Page A

winter coat. Her makeup is too thick and she looks like one of the dime a dozen whores that work the streets across the road from Ty's apartment. Today, she's heading over to her boyfriend's house. He has a child of his own and wants to spend the day with her and his parents. My mother chooses this over us, chooses to go to them instead of bringing them to us. We hardly factor into her decisions.
    “ Merry Christmas,” I say randomly. This stops her on the bottom step for a moment.
    “ Don't forget to unplug the lights on the tree before you go to bed. The house isn't insured. If we lose it, those of us who aren't running back to California after the holidays are going to be homeless.” And then she starts moving towards her old, beat up station wagon, the same one that she used to cart us around in as kids. Like I said, there's not much money in the belly dancing industry, especially not for a washed up, evil, old bitch like Angelica.
    “ Hey,” Ty says and my mother ignores him, slipping and sliding across the icy snow in her stupid boots. “Fuck you.” I laugh, can't help it, and I find myself looking over at Ty who's nibbling his lip hard and glaring at my mom with steely eyes that show her no sympathy, that refuse to cloak her selfish insecurities and foolish decisions in anything but shame. “You have a daughter that was willing to give you another chance. Do you know how lucky you are?”
    “ I want you out of my house by the time I get back,” Angelica tells Ty as she slips and lands on her ass in the slushy, muddy mess that surrounds her car. Neither of us move to help her up.
    “ If Ty goes, I go,” I say, and it's as simple as that. I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze. True to my words, Beth proves that she has, indeed, been listening in on Ty and my conversation and comes out onto the porch, crossing her arms over her chest rather authoritatively.
    “ I pay all the taxes. I pay the electricity. I pay the water. And, despite your belief to the contrary, I also pay the home insurance. Your name might be on the papers, but this house is mine. They stay.”
    “ Oh for Christ's sake, Beth,” Angelica says as she uses the handle of the car door to stand herself up. “You're as dramatic as your sister.” And then she gets in and drives away. Beth says nothing, but she does pause on her way back inside to squeeze my shoulder.
    “ It's cold out here. You almost ready to come inside? I actually have an announcement I want to make.” My eyes snap up to hers and pause there, trying to read her emotions. She's not going to talk about my pregnancy is she? No, that isn't it. Whatever it is that Beth has to say, it's about her own life, not mine. I study her carefully and nod, glad that I have a big sister with a heart that's all encompassing, that looks at me with as much love as she looks at her own daughter. I am so, so lucky.
    “ Fifteen minutes,” I say and she nods, tucking some of her short, copper hair behind one ear. She understands, I know she does. When Beth goes back in, she closes the front door behind her to give Ty and me some privacy.
    “ Want and need,” Ty begins as his gaze travels up to the sky and focuses on the slices of snow that cut through the gray and twirl like ballerinas, melding into the flow of frozen water like the most perfectly choreographed troupe. Beautiful. “Two totally different fucking things. Don't you hate how they're always at each other's throats?” I don't answer him, quite aware that whatever it is that he's talking about, it's more for his benefit than it is for mine. One thing I do know: if Ty goes to New York, I go to New York. Period. “I don't want to see my mother, but I think I need to, right?” Again, I remain silent. He needs to figure this out for himself. I did, and it nearly broke me, but with Ty's help, I'm healing. It's his turn to break and my turn to repair him. I have to do right by him.
    This boy, this Mr. McCabe, is my redemption.