Jaine Austen 2 - Last Writes Read Free

you in on the cast of characters. You see that little guy over there. The one who looks like a Keebler elf?”
    She pointed to a short guy in jeans and a sweatshirt, a too-small baseball cap perched on his head. He did look like a Keebler elf. Either that, or one of the Rice Krispies brothers.
    “That’s Alan Carlson, the director. The guy’s been directing sitcoms forever. I think he started when Lucy was pregnant with Little Ricky. He’s no Martin Scorcese, but he’s fast and he’s good.
    “The big guy he’s talking to is Marco, the prop man. If he looks a little frantic, it’s because his wife is about to give birth any day now.”
    “Does Marco know you swiped his stethoscope?”
    “No, and don’t go blabbing.”
    “My lips are sealed.”
    “Vanessa, of course, you’ve met.”
    I looked over at where Vanessa was sitting at the conference table, fanning herself with my script. Oh, well. At least she wasn’t sitting on it.
    A young bronzed surfer dude was at her side, staring at her worshipfully.
    “That’s Zach Levy-Taylor.”
    I recognized him. “He’s the kid who plays Muffy’s boyfriend on the show.”
    “He’d like to be playing her boyfriend off the show, too,” Kandi said, “but Vanessa won’t give him a tumble.”
    Indeed, Zach was trying desperately to make conversation, but Vanessa barely glanced at him, concentrating instead on pushing back her cuticles.
    “And that’s Dale Burton, the actor who plays Muffy’s dad.”
    She pointed to a J. Crewish-handsome man talking loudly into his cell phone.
    “Dale’s nuts. I know he looks as normal as apple pie, but he’s certifiable. You know who he’s on the phone with?”
    “Who?”
    “Probably the recorded weather lady. Or the time-at-the-tone lady.”
    “But his lips are moving. He’s talking.”
    “I know. He pretends to be talking to big show biz honchos. He wants everybody to think he’s in demand.”
    “You’re the greatest, Stevie Spielberg,” I heard him shout into the phone. “Give my best to your lovely wife Kate.”
    “Quelle nutcase,” I said.
    Then Kandi caught sight of a petite woman with spikey orange hair. “That’s Teri, the makeup lady. Hey, Teri,” she called out. “You get my mascara?”
    The orange pixie nodded, holding up a shopping bag.
    “I’ll be right back,” Kandi said to me.
    “Where are you going?” I asked, panicked. She wasn’t going to leave me alone, was she?
    “To pick up my mascara. Teri got it for me wholesale. It’s the same stuff Gwyneth Paltrow uses.”
    And before I could stop her, she was sprinting across the room, leaving me stranded at the coffee urn. Everybody around me was chatting it up, oozing camaraderie, and I just stood there, stuffing my face with empty calories. It was my sophomore year in high school all over again.
    And then something happened that never happened in high school. A gorgeous guy walked up to me. Tall and rangy, with thick dark hair and startling green eyes.
    “Hi,” he smiled, revealing the most beautiful teeth I’d ever seen in my life. I honestly didn’t know teeth could be that white.
    I recognized him, of course. He was Quinn Kirkland, the actor who played Muffy’s Uncle Biff.
    Now usually in show biz, the gorgeous people aren’t funny. I mean, when was the last time you had a hearty chuckle over a Harrison Ford performance? But Quinn was a definite exception to this rule. From the episodes I’d seen, he was by far the funniest performer on Muffy .
    “And who might you be?” he asked, still beaming his mega-watt smile.
    Uh…wait. I know the answer to that. Just give me a minute.
    “Jaine,” I finally managed to blurt out. “Jaine Austen.”
    “Really?” he grinned. “I love your books.”
    I hear that line all the time. And usually I hate it. But coming from Quinn, it suddenly seemed quite amusing.
    “It’s Jaine with an ‘i,’” I explained.
    “I liked your script, Jaine-with-an-i,” he said, almost blinding me with his