business. But she is simply happy to get a well-deserved, tropical vacation at no cost to herself.
I, on the other hand, carefully and methodically stashed away money all summer. I was able to return charged items for cash after Hayden paid off the credit card balance each month.
Pretty savvy, huh?
With the cash I received from the returns, I purchased pre-paid Visa cards to use during this trip, but I won't be staying in Belize City. You see, I'm going to San Pedro, where I've booked my own accommodations under another name. Once in San Pedro, my name will no longer be Jade Thomas--for a while anyway.
In San Pedro, I am Presley Patterson from Baltimore, Maryland, and I am finally going to meet the man that I've been chatting with for almost a year now. We actually met in one of those online chat rooms. I have a secret laptop that Hayden doesn't know about.
Okay, so chill for a minute.
It's not as if he wouldn't allow me to have a laptop, because he most definitely would buy one for me if I asked. He's not that much of a control-freak. But the thing is, it would simply be one more thing that he could monitor if he so chose and well, I need some privacy, all right?
So, I generally act as if the internet holds no interest for me, when the truth is that the ole' information highway is what has kept me sane over the past couple of years. It's the bridge that takes me from lonely to alive, from quiet and reserved, to funny and social--all the things that I'm afraid to be around Hayden.
'Afraid' might not be the appropriate word here. I'm not really afraid of Hayden; it's just that I feel it's my responsibility to please him. So, being funny, social and totally uninhibited are probably not what he expects from me, but I'm finding out slowly and surely that it is who I am--or at least, who I want to be. It feels natural and real.
Not fake.
Not the way that I am around Hayden. Around him I am quiet and reserved, and I do what is expected of me.
Always.
Chapter 2
I'm back inside my cabana, freshly showered and dressed provocatively for bed. I thought this day would never end, because the anticipation of finally meeting him is running through my veins like hot, molten lava at the moment.
My nerves are wreaking havoc right now and suddenly, I'm filled with apprehension and those same old self-doubts come creeping in. They're every bit a part of me as my chestnut brown hair, or my size 34C breasts, or my allergy to penicillin. I am full of uncertainties about why the hell I am here. My self-confidence is nil.
My mind is tossing around questions that I can't answer.
What if he doesn't show?
What if this is some monumental, practical joke on his part?
I calm myself, my inner voice convincing me that Adam will show, just as we've been planning for all of these months. He is sweet and kind, and he cares about me. He understands my situation and doesn't pass judgment on it although he's made it clear to me that he feels I deserve more--so much more.
Adam is twenty-nine years-old, single, works as an investment counselor for a firm in Chicago. We've described ourselves to one another--just the basics, but have never actually exchanged pictures.
The reason being that we've both agreed that whatever we've become to one another is not founded on physical appearance, but based totally on what we've come to know about one another, and how we each feel about the other.
There's nothing superficial about our relationship. At this point, I don't give a rat's ass if he has a friggin' hump on his back as long as he shows up as planned.
I've shared with Adam everything about my past--things I've shared with no one else. He knows the story about my mother and the circumstances leading up to my becoming a model. He knows everything about Hayden as well and what I am to him. He doesn't care.
I relax, telling myself that if the truth has scared him off--or turned him off, he wouldn't have come up with the plan to meet up with me over