JACK KNIFED Read Free

it burned itself out, but I was wrong.”
    Replacement sat back in her seat. Jack saw the smoldering in her eyes and made a mental note to keep a close eye on her today. He never knew what Replacement would do, and the last thing he needed was for her to flip out.
    “Besides,” he continued, “the doctor said she’s not all there. She was a hooker and drug addict for twenty years. That had to take a toll on her. I should feel pity or something, but I don’t.” Jack cracked his knuckles. “You’re not supposed to hate your mother. I didn’t at first because I didn’t know enough to hate her. I thought all that crazy stuff was normal. After I was adopted, I got to see how a mother was supposed to act. The more I learned what a mom should be, the more I realized how bad mine was. That’s when the hate started. The more love my new mom showed me, the more I hated Patty.”
    Replacement turned to look out her window. Jack leaned back and drove with one hand on the wheel; the other rested on top of the seat back. Occasionally he had to force himself to slow down and back off the bumper of the rare car that didn’t get out of his way. After two hours of silence, Replacement looked as if she were about to crack up.
    “Can I ask some questions?” She timidly looked at him.
    “About what?”
    “You growing up. What do you remember about your mom?”
    Jack shuddered. Sometimes he wished he could forget. “Nothing good.”
    “Nothing? Not even one nice memory?”
    Jack forced himself to focus on the road.
    “I think I blocked out those times. At least that’s what a couple shrinks told me. They said the same thing. There had to be something good, right? The things I remember most: I remember slaps, I remember screaming.” Jack breathed out. “The weird thing, though…those parts weren’t the worst. She was actually paying attention to me then, so it wasn’t so bad.” He glanced at Replacement. “Screwed up, huh?”
    “Yeah,” she said quietly toward the window.
    Jack rolled down his window to let the air sting against his face. He leaned his head over and inhaled. After a moment, he sat up and shook his head.
    “There were times when she would have a ‘party’ with a man and she’d have to find someplace for me to go. She used to work out a deal with the landlord who ran our tenement. I would end up getting stuck in the janitor’s closet. It sucked. It was like getting solitary confinement, but I was five and I didn’t know any better. It was worse when I was all alone—when I didn’t know if she was coming back or…”
    Jack arched his back and flexed his hand. His chest muscles tightened as he thought of the memory.
    “What are you thinking about?” Replacement asked softly. “Tell me.”
    “One time she passed out in the kitchen. She was pale white and stone cold.” Jack reached out and sprayed the windshield. The wipers squeaked as they worked to clear the grime from the glass. “I tried for hours to get her up, but she just lay there. Looking back at it now, she probably came close to OD’ing.” He shook his head. “It was in the summer and hot as hell. I sat on the floor all night, holding her hand, thinking she was about to die.”
    He glanced at Replacement and saw the look of horror on her face.
    “I didn’t cry. I remember thinking I should but…it was like something in me died, too. This wall went up and my feelings just shut down.” He swallowed. “I couldn’t call 911 or go to a neighbor. That was the number one rule. I broke it once before, when she didn’t come home for four days. I finally went next door. The places we lived weren’t filled with good Samaritans. They were all drug addicts too. The lady just slammed the door in my face, and when Patty came back, the neighbor told her what I had done.” Jack gritted his teeth. “Patty was high. She stumbled into the living room, and smacked me so hard it broke my nose.”
    Replacement gasped.
    Jack rubbed the back of