Infidelity for Beginners Read Free Page B

there was
anything else I could do before I got started.
    “Godfrey?” I called across the partition to the opposite
cubicle.
    [Silence bar the clicking of a mouse]
    “Godfrey?”
    “What?” Godfrey replied without looking up.
    “Want to do me a favour?”
    “No.”
    “What do you mean no? You don’t even know what I’m going to
ask yet.”
    “Well I don’t know specifics but I know it’s going to be
something shit otherwise you wouldn’t be asking me, you’d be doing it
yourself,” he reasoned.
    This was classic Godfrey. Besides me there were three other
people who worked on Caravan Enthusiast .
Godfrey, my assistant, Elenor, my secretary, and Adam, my designer. Elenor and
Adam worked on a couple of other motoring titles too but Godfrey was all mine,
although if you were to see us in action you could be forgiven for not knowing
which of us was the dog and which of us was the tail.
    “I’m busy,” I told him.
    “Doing what?” Godfrey asked.
    “Doing… doing… what does it matter what I’m doing. I am your
editor, you know.”
    “You’re not my editor. You’re the editor of the magazine. I don’t have an editor. I am
unedited.”
    “What does that mean?”
    “I don’t know,” he mumbled, before returning to his mouse
clicking.
    “Godfrey, can you just do me this favour, pleeeeease?”
    “Do it yourself.”
    “Okay fine, if you want to be like that then this is how it
is; this is not a favour, this is a direct order. I want you to go through the
files and pull out the remittances for every contributor, photographer and
freelancer for last year,” I told him in no uncertain terms.
    “Fuck that!”
    “Godfrey, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you,” I repeated,
in case he’d missed that key detail.
    “You can tell me all you want but I ain’t doing it. That’s a
secretary’s job. Why don’t you get Elenor to do it?” Elenor shot us both a
steely look, so I stepped out of the firing line and told Godfrey I didn’t want
Elenor to do it, I wanted him to do it.
    “Why?”
    “Why? Why not? Because I do. Because I’m your boss. Because
that’s my prerogative. Now get on with it.”
    “What is this, fucking Russia or something? Do this! Do
that! Look sharp! Jawohl !” he
saluted.
    “That’s German, you moron,” Elenor sneered, picking at her
split ends.
    Godfrey ignored her dig, as he always did, and focussed the
full glare of his sulk on me.
    “I ain’t doing it and you can’t make me. I’m in the union
and I’ll phone them up if you try to force me to do that shit,” he warned me in
no uncertain terms.
    “The NUJ aren’t going to be interested in your piffling
little complaint,” I told him. “And besides you told me your membership had
lapsed because you hadn’t paid your subs.”
    “I’m still a member. I’m still part of the union. I’ve still
got the card.”
    “Why does everything have to be a fight with you? Why can’t
you, just for once, do as I ask?”
    “Oh what, so you’re asking me again are you? Two seconds ago
you were ordering me. One threat of industrial action and suddenly you’re only
asking me. Just goes to show, doesn’t it,” he said, giving me his best knowing
look over the top of the partition before sinking out of sight again.
    “I give up,” I resigned, slumping back into my chair. I
started rubbing my face out of sheer frustration but before I was all done
Godfrey was asking if he could go early.
    “You are joking aren’t you?” I double-checked.
    “No, I’ve got to go – dentist’s appointment. I did
tell you about it this morning,” he insisted.
    “No you didn’t,” I replied, scouring my memory for any
mention of dentists.
    “Yes I did. I fucking did. As soon as I got in,” Godfrey
maintained, already on his feet and in his jacket.
    “Oh just go,” I told him, too tired for a confrontation.
“But I’m going to remember this, I am.”
    “What, that you let me go to the dentist’s? I look forward
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