I Need You Read Free Page B

have felt if I’d succeeded.
    If I was meant to die I’d have died. I was meant to face up to all this bullshit and keep going.
    And Mom…
    Now I could see all the stuff I’d been blind to.
    I felt lousy, not because I’d swallowed a massive dose of happy pills, but because I’d hurt my parents.
    Mom had every reason to bow out, and she didn’t––I’d tried.
    I needed someone to hold me. I felt sore inside.

    I touched the screen. Billy’s picture and details came up. He smiled at me out of the cell, with those warm dark-blue eyes of his. My thumb hovered over his number.
    We hadn’t spoken since just after New Year, until I’d called him the other day. But I had no one else. He’d been the closest person to me other than Jason for years.
    I wished what had happened, hadn’t…
    I shut my eyes––I wish, I wish, I wish. If I had shiny red shoes on and clicked my heels, I wondered if I could go back in time, to when everything was right, then I could make sure everything stayed right.
    That’s what my life had become––wishes that things had not happened, wishes that they wouldn’t, wishes that people would stay in my life.
    I’d lost my friends. I’d given them up in favor of Jason, and look how that had ended. He’d moved on and left me behind. The only friend I’d had left was his best friend, until I’d messed that up too.
    I was super-good at messing things up.
    I sighed. Courage. I wasn’t going to fix things with the only possible friend I had left unless I made the move. He’d taken the first step the other day when he’d texted me––now it was my turn. I just had to do it.
    I tapped the icon.
    “Hi.” He answered, right off. My heart pounded.
    “Billy?”
    “You. Okay?”
    “Yeah. I’m at home now. Dad picked me up at seven last night and brought me back. I appreciate you helping me out. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I’m––”
    “It’s okay, Lind. I’m glad you’re home. How did you get on with the shrink?”
    When Jason had gone to New York, Billy had become my best friend, as well as Jason’s. But then he’d ended up in the middle of everything when Jason had deserted me.

    “Okay, I have to see someone regularly.”
    “Well that’s probably a good thing isn’t it?”
    “Yeah.”
    “How are you today?”
    “Down.” I sighed. The psychiatrist had told me to be honest rather than keep things trapped inside. “Jason having the baby makes me feel like crap still. Is that a bad thing to admit? Only the woman at the hospital told me I should admit how I feel.”
    “Lind, if it’s how you feel, it’s how you feel, it just is. I know all this stuff is hard on you. I’m not judging you. Like I said the other day, I feel like I’ve let you down… Do you want me come around so we can talk?”
    “Yeah.” God the thought of having someone to talk to outside of my house, and everything weighing down the atmosphere in here, was wonderful. Like an oasis in a desert.
    “I’ll come over now then, yeah?”
    “Yeah. You’re not working?”
    “I’ve got a gap between clients. I’ll come over.”
    “Don’t knock. Call me when you get here.”
    “Okay, I’ll be there soon.”
    “Okay. Bye.”
    “Bye, Lind. See you in a while.”
    “Yeah.”
    I fell back on my bed, lying on my back, with my cell still in my hand and stared up at the ceiling. Tears blurred the white fluffy clouds Dad had painted against the blue sky when I’d been a kid. The tears wouldn’t stop. I’d cried loads since I’d woken up in the hospital.
    It was twenty minutes after I’d spoken to Billy that I got the second call.
    “Hi, I’m parked outside your house. Do you want me to knock?”
    “No, stay there, I’ll come out.” I ended the call, wiped my eyes, and stood, then glanced in the mirror. I looked like a ghost, pale and pasty. I hadn’t gone out of my room yet. I sat down to put some makeup on to hide the sorry-looking state of my face. I hated looking at myself