I Need You Read Free Page A

stupid, I––”
    “This is me you’re talking to, be honest. Why did you do it?”
    She sighed. I imagined the air leaving her lips. I’d watched her sigh so many times in the last year or so.
    “Because Jason had the baby and he’s so happy, and his life is perfect and my life…” she started crying. We were back to what Lindy and I had always been––I was her confidante, her life coach, her safety net, her servant, her punch-bag…God the list went on. I was everything, without getting anything I wanted. Her fucking fool .
    She took a breath. “I hear myself, and I hate me. I know why you and Jason and everyone else dislikes me because––”
    “Everyone doesn’t dislike you, Lind––” and I love you ..
    “It’s okay if you do dislike me. I understand…”
    “Well I don’t, Lindy. I feel like I’ve let you down. I should’ve been around for you.”

    “My mess isn’t your fault, Billy. You can’t do a thing to change it.”
    I could. “I want to help you.”
    “You can’t.”
    “Let me be your friend again, Lindy. Let me make things up to you.”
    “Billy, honestly, you have nothing to make up.”
    “Well, I can’t stand seeing you like I did last night.”
    “Sorry.”
    I took a breath. “Do you want me to come and get you from the hospital later?”
    “No, Dad’ll come.”
    “Well then, text me when you get home and we’ll organize something. I’ll come over and see you.”
    “Okay.” I could imagine her nodding, but I heard uncertainty in her voice.
    “Lindy, you need a friend. That’s all I’m offering, I promise. No expectations. No pressure.” She didn’t have anyone else. She’d dumped all her girlfriends when we’d gone to college. She’d been one hundred percent full-on all over Jason since we’d left school. She’d isolated herself and that’s why we’d spent so much time together when he’d gone to New York. I was the only friend she had left. And that was torture.
    “Okay, maybe. It depends how I feel.”
    I couldn’t ask her for more.
    “Don’t do it again, Lind. And if you’re tempted, call me…” But then I remembered the one night she had called me when it was late… Crap, I was not the one she’d pick to call.
    “Bye.” The word ran through me. It sounded final. I couldn’t have stood it if anything had actually happened… if she’d succeeded and killed herself.
    “Take care of yourself.”
    “Thanks, Billy. And you will say thank you to Jason? I know he didn’t have to help me.” She hung up.
    But why wouldn’t he have helped her? He’d just fallen in love with someone else; he didn’t want to see her dead.

    When we’d been at school she’d been full of vitality––energy––she’d always been smiling. When we hit college she’s started changing.
    Well, whatever, there was nothing I could do right now.
    I slipped the SUV back into drive, looked in the side mirror, to check nothing was coming, waited until a vehicle passed, then pulled out and drove home.
    Lindy
    My finger kept hovering over Billy’s name in the contacts list on my cell. I’d seen the psychiatrist and she’d told me I had to start seeing her regularly, to talk out all the stuff going on in my life––and in my head. Then I’d come home and all the stuff going on in my life had hit me in the face. There was an atmosphere in the house. Fear. Loneliness. Pain. Because Mom was sick––she couldn’t help being sick––but I had to watch her wither away. It was too hard––I didn’t want to let her go.
    My head, belly and heart ached. Life had been hard and cruel for too long. That’s why I’d tried to end it––I’d just been selfish for a moment. I’d tried to escape everything; Mom and Jason. His baby had been the thing that slid me over the Niagara Falls of despair, though.
    But I wouldn’t do it again. I’d learned my lesson. Guilt was heavy. Mom had looked hurt and disappointed and Dad hadn’t been able to hide how bad he’d