I blame the scapegoats Read Free Page A

hear any Tories
talking about the Repeal of the Corn Laws these days. Iain Duncan Smith is the
most anti-European, which is why I think he will get the most votes from those
nutty party members. Having had a disastrous election result under William
Hague, they will decide that what they need now is a bald right-winger.
    As someone whose hair is disappearing faster
than the Tories' chances of winning the next election, I know I shouldn't go on
about this bald thing, especially after the last time when it prompted letters
to the Guardian from
poor defenceless individuals like the editor of the Sun. But in the beauty parade of politics, first impressions
are important. It's always been like this, I'm afraid; when Charlemagne's
grandson became king of France he was immediately dubbed Charles the Bald. And
King Charles went round saying to his advisers, 'Forsooth, do the peasants see
how I have made Gaul strong once more? Do they say, "There goes our king,
Charles the Unifier of the French"?'
    'Er, not exactly,
your majesty.'
    'Do they call me
"Charles the Architect of the Treaty of Verdun"?'
    'Not really, sir. You see, your brilliant
statesmanship and wise counsel just aren't the first thing people notice about
you . . .'
    Unless the Tories choose someone with a
fringe, the fringe is where they will remain. Duncan Smith is William Hague
without the moderation and charisma. He is the continuity candidate, a vote for
more of the same. The good thing about this is that if the Conservatives
continue to increase their representation in the House of Commons at the
present rate, they will not achieve a Parliamentary majority until the year
2593. So the very best of luck, Iain, even if that's still far too early for my
liking.
     
     

Brickbats
and mortar
     
    21
July 2001
     
     
    This
week members of the Welsh Assembly sacked the architect of their new building,
the famous Richard Rogers, due to soaring costs. As they say in Wales, they
'Englished' on the deal. They have decided to go for something cheaper and now
may be forced to buy a 'Welsh Self-Assembly': £79.99 from B & Q Or, even
worse, get Carol Smillie and Handy Andy to throw together a parliament building
over the weekend using some MDF and a bit of crazy-paving.
    Many of the building problems were caused by
political constraints. Assembly members insisted that when the scaffolders
shouted offensive remarks at passing women, the same abuse should then be
repeated in Welsh. And there was always the worry that if the Welsh Assembly
building was to be built by an Englishman, it would be burnt down as soon as he
headed back to London. (Actually the 'Sons of Glendower' haven't burnt many
cottages lately - one of them got caught and a furious Glendower had to bail
them out of the youth court in Aberystwyth, saying, 'Just wait till I get you
home.')
    Maybe the problem is having the Welsh
Assembly in Wales. If the English Cup Final is held in Cardiff, why not have
the Welsh Assembly in London? Richard Rogers' last great building was the
Millennium Dome. So there are all these Welsh politicians with nowhere to meet,
and a huge empty building in the middle of
    Greenwich.
Any day now someone in Whitehall is going to say, 'Are you thinking what I'm
thinking?'
    The farce of the new Welsh Assembly building
follows the pattern of recent architectural commissions by national and
regional governments. Portcullis House was beset with scandal and delay. MPs
were furious that the builders took longer than expected to finish the job
-they didn't want any working-class people in Westminster for a moment longer
than was necessary. The estimated cost of the Scottish Parliament has risen
from £40 million to £109
million, which would have been severely criticized by Scottish Conservatives if
there were any. And another great British Architect, Sir Norman Foster, fell
out with his political clients when he got the commission for the Reichstag in
Berlin. Personally, I was surprised to discover that it