I blame the scapegoats Read Free Page B

had taken the Germans
so long to rebuild the Reichstag after that fire. I suppose it took ages
sorting out the insurance claim. Apparently under 'Cause of Fire' the claimant,
a Mr A. Hitler, had written 'International conspiracy of Bolsheviks and Jewish
bankers', when most people had thought it was just down to some dodgy wiring.
In any case, Nazi Mutual Insurance Ltd must have finally paid up because Sir
Norman finished the job a couple of years ago, only to have the Germans withhold
the final payment till the builders came round and removed that pile of sand
from the drive and finished the little wall at the front.
    Every time a new major government building is
commissioned, we end up with a political scandal. It must be a really hard
issue for the tabloids to call. Imagine the extended editorial conferences at
the Sun as they agonize over
which side of the fence they should come down on: 'So - politicians spending
millions of pounds of taxpayers' money on their own offices employing the
latest modern architecture. Hmmm, are we for or against this?' and they all
scratch their chins and wonder.
    When
we are constructing new centres of government we have to be clear what these
buildings are actually for. The word 'parliament' comes of course from the
French 'parler' which means 'to ask sycophantic planted questions in a
desperate bid for eventual promotion'. The building of great debating chambers
is a throwback to the days when the debates changed things. These days most
decisions are quietly fixed by a couple of civil servants who happen to bump into
each other at the urinals. Maybe in recognition of this fact the centrepiece of
a new parliament building should indeed be the urinals; great marble bowls
could majestically sweep down from the wall containing beautiful hand-carved,
scented disinfectant bars. There could even be the televising of the urinals so
we could hear the crucial discussions of the day.
    Of
course by sacking Richard Rogers and showing so little ambition for the new
Assembly, the cheaper new building in Cardiff will probably be a bit of a
toilet anyway. We're lucky to have great architects in this country, and our
centres of government should be exciting and bold statements about the type of
country we are. But the members of the Welsh Assembly are still reeling from
the fact that, shock, horror, a major architectural project has gone up in cost
during construction! Yet this happens every time. And the angry politicians
round on the builders and scream, 'You said you'd be finished by now. You said
it wouldn't cost so much. I can't believe it - you haven't kept any of your
promises.'
    And the builders just
shrug and say, 'Well, you started it. . .'
     
     

After
you with the trough
     
    28
July 2001
     
     
    This
week a survey revealed that the average British chief executive now takes home
half a million a year, not including bonuses, share options and those Post-it
notes that he nicked from the office stationery cupboard. Defenders of the very
rich say that the criticism of these enormous boardroom salaries is based on
envy and class hatred. And they say it as if this is a bad thing.
    Boardroom
salaries first soared after the famous Company Directors' Strike back in 1982.
Who can forget those dramatic scenes as an angry mob of pin-striped businessmen
fought pitched battles outside the Stock Exchange? Food convoys were organized
to bring them four-course lunches from L'Escargot. Violence erupted as they got
their chauffeurs to overturn cars. Mounted policeman rushed up to the strikers,
saying, Are you all right there, sir?' After months of bitter struggle a
complex pay settlement was agreed and executive salaries are now decided on the
following criteria: the chairmen say to themselves, 'What's the most outrageous
and exorbitant pay rise I can give myself? Right, I'll have that much then.'
    Even companies that are laying off staff
still seem to find the money to pay huge bonuses to the board. A director