How to Get a (Love) Life Read Free

for me? What if Caroline and I hated each other? What if James was a nightmare boss? What if …?
    Then I looked up at him again, saw his strained smile, those bloodshot eyes, and found myself nodding at him.
    James leapt up from his chair with a delighted smile and shook me enthusiastically by the hand. ‘That is excellent, very good.’
    I couldn’t help but laugh.
    ‘So, when can you start?’ he asked.
    Without pausing to think about it as seriously as I usually thought these things through, I heard myself reply: ‘Today.’
    ‘Caroline, get in here,’ James called in the direction of the outer office. ‘Quickly! Before the spell is broken and she changes her mind!’
    Caroline appeared in the doorway, her daughter dangling from one leg, her arms in surrender as Ben stood behind her with what looked like a stapler-cum-gun.
    ‘Tell me good news, please,’ she said, shifting her daughter from one leg to the other.
    ‘Nicola here has kindly agreed to start work today.’
    Caroline moved – as fast as a woman with a toddler attached to one limb could – towards me. ‘That is fantastic news! I like you already,’ she said, her poncho and necklace jangling along with her words.
    ‘Well, arrrrr,’ James said. ‘I think the good ship here is in safe hands and someone can take their little pirates home for fish fingers and chips. What say you, tiny pirate?’ He peered at Ben who, thankfully, had lowered the stapler/gun.
    ‘That would be incredibly kind of you,’ Caroline said. ‘But perhaps I should stay, show you the ropes …’ She stifled a yawn as Alice attempted to climb further up her leg.
    I felt a spark of sympathy towards her. She looked shattered. ‘Really, go, I’ll be fine,’ I said in my brightest, most ‘can-do’ voice.
    She didn’t need any more encouragement.
    ‘Are you sure? Thank you! I owe you! See you tomorrow!’ And, with that, she gathered up her handbag, coat and unruly offspring and dashed out of the office. James raced off soon after for an important lunch meeting and I was left standing alone on the blue carpeted floor. I blinked. I did not expect to be left on my own in the office within twenty minutes of being hired. It was highly unorthodox and oddly trusting. How did they know I wasn’t a burglar? An office stationery stealing burglar. Looking around at my new workplace, I exhaled slowly. Before I could even sit down at my desk, I spotted a thick layer of dust on the top of the filing cabinet, old coffee cups ringed with brown, and a scattering of pirate money across the carpet. I cracked my knuckles and moved towards the kitchen to find cleaning equipment. There was work to do.
    The sound of the downstairs door opening pulled me back to the present and I straightened in anticipation of James’ imminent arrival. Whereas I knew every intimate detail of Caroline’s personal life (she was a sharer), I knew very little about James’. Although I did know that he had lots of girlfriends. His latest – Tahlula or Tuilie or Tinkerbell, one of those exotic names – did something arty with clothes. She often swept glamorously into the office in search of James, chatting overly loudly with the actors and demanding coffee espresso, which Caroline always went out and got her from the cafe next door.
    In a whirlwind of energy, James Sullivan burst through the door and made a beeline for his office, wrestling himself out of his caramel-coloured woollen coat. ‘Caroline, can you do me a favour? Get me Pamela’s PA on the phone and tell her—’
    ‘— Morning ,’ Caroline smiled at him, waving a pen.
    He blinked, ‘Oh, yes, morning. And, Nicola, will you tell Chris that he really needs to make a decision about that camera ad? Can you also chase Prince Productions for the repeat fees from that police TV series? Thanks.’ He dived into his office and closed the door. A few seconds later it opened again and he popped his head back round. ‘You’re both darlings.’
    ‘And