His Holiday Gift Read Free

him miles away from his own family for the holidays, on what might just be a wild goose chase.
    My conscience had led me to tell him he could call off the search in another day and pick it back up after the new-year.
    It was a bit disappointing that there were still no leads, but I couldn't find my happiness, at the expense of his.
     
     

Chapter 4
     
     
    Calling mom was bittersweet. I wanted to be there with the family, as I could hear them in the background, but I needed to be here in this place, the last place I'd been close to her.
    "Mom, I'm here. I got your surprise, you didn't have to do that but thank you." I watched the snow come down outside as I spoke to her.
    "Oh Julian of course I did, what sort of mom would I be if I left my baby boy without a Xmas tree?" Always the mother, I should’ve known she would do something like this.
    "It's beautiful, they did a great job, but I’m sure you gave them blow by blow instructions."
    "Did you check the cupboard and the refrigerator?"
    "No not yet I just got in. What did you do?"
    "Oh nothing, I just had the caretakers stock you up with the trimmings for a Xmas feast…is she there yet?" I had been on my way to the kitchen to check when her words stopped me short.
    I caught my breath at her question, how did she...? No way, she couldn’t possibly. I got that strange feeling that has been with me for the last few weeks.
    "Who?"
    "Christina."
    "Mom?" My head was swimming and I had a quick case of vertigo for a second.
    "I know you son. I've known for a long time that something was missing from your life, it just took me a while to figure it out. I traced it back to that summer. I'm so sorry sweetheart."
    "It's not your fault." Could it really have been that obvious to someone else?
    "I know, it was her dad, he was such a...but you kids were so young too, so I can't really blame him. I just wish our decisions didn't make you so sad and alone."
    "Mom you're freaking me out here, I didn't even know that that's what it was until lately."
    "Of course hon, you're a male." She laughed, her sweet tinkering bell laugh and I felt lighter, the way I use to as a kid when she would tell me that everything was going to be okay no matter what was wrong in my world at the time.
    "I don't know what to say. I can't find her mom, I've been searching for weeks and nothing." I felt good to finally share that with someone. She was someone who loved me, but even more importantly, someone who had known that sweet girl all those years ago as well.
    “I feel like I’m losing my mind mom. I’ve searched using the information I remembered from when we were kids.” It was only now as I was saying this out loud, that I realized how incongruous that was.
    That after all these years I should remember everything she’d told me about her young life, when I couldn’t remember half of what my last girlfriend had shared.
    Was mom right, had I been walking around a shell of myself all these years since I last saw her? Was she the cause of my callous way with relationships?
    No wonder I always felt detached from anyone else. I noticed that mom was saying anything, which was unusual for her, unless she was giving one of us time to come to the right conclusion, which was usually hers.
    “Oh fu…I mean, mom, I think I’m in love with her memory, with her. What if I can’t find her?
    "You'll get your girl Julian, just have faith." There were tears in her voice and I felt the wetness in my own eyes. I think my heart was breaking for that lost love. For that beautiful that was destroyed before it had a chance to grow, to see light.
    We may have been young then, but somehow the man that I am today, knew that whatever that was back then, was real. But was I too late? I felt sick panic crawl into my gut. Something I’m not too familiar with, since I’d been raised to take life by the balls.
    "How can you be so sure? I'm not even sure any more. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I just had this wild hair