Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life Read Free Page B

feel
really confused.
    _____ 8. I’m tired of the pain in my life,
and I want to do something about it. But I’m so addicted and
depressed that I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know if I have
the courage to do this.
    _____ 9. I have attempted to change an
addiction or behavior and it’s difficult. I’m experiencing a lot of
feelings I’m uncomfortable with.
    _____ 10. I have overcome an addiction or
behavior and realize that there is hope for me. If I can heal one
aspect of the sexual abuse, I can probably heal another.
    _____ 11. I have bought some books on healing
sexual abuse, joined a support group, or begun counseling for my
sexual abuse issues. I am starting to get serious about
healing.
    _____ 12. I am committed to working through
my issues. I know it will take time, but it can be done. I will
spend whatever time I need to heal my pain, because I see how much
it benefits my self-esteem, my relationships, and my life.
     
     
     

Chapter 2 – Goals
    “We cannot afford to give up on our goals,
because we cannot
    afford to give up on ourselves.”
    -Jason Goodwin
    Alcoholics Anonymous urges us to take our
lives “one day at a time.” We need to focus on the problems we face
today before we can address the problems that may arise tomorrow.
Sometimes, when we are living in a period of intense crisis, we may
even be better off living one minute at a time.
    Problems can feel overwhelming when we try to
take on too much at once. Yet there comes a time when we need to
plan for a better future. Without direction, our lives can feel
meaningless. When we get trapped in this hopeless place, we only
have ourselves to blame.
    Responsibility is the key to action, to hope,
and to self-esteem. Yes, we need support from others. We may need
God or our higher power to show us the way. But at the end of the
day, it is still up to us.
    It’s important to remember that the goals we
set for ourselves should be realistic. I engaged in a year of
intense self-examination before writing the material for this book.
And before that, I was acting out my sexual abuse issues for over
33 years.
    When defining our goals, it’s important to
keep in mind the challenges we face. Sexual abuse often leads to
low self-esteem, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual addiction, abusive
and/or unfulfilling relationships, depression, flashbacks to the
trauma or abuse, extreme emotional “ups” and “downs,” guilt, shame,
fear, mistrust, poor self-care, feelings of powerlessness, deep
feelings of pain and grief, a distorted body image, overeating,
under-eating, anger at God, and feelings of hopelessness. Sexual
abuse creates a lot of wreckage in our lives.
    Maybe our goal is to feel better. Maybe we
want to be able to choose healthier relationships. Perhaps we
strive to become more stable and reliable at work. Some of us want
to stop experiencing flashbacks or nightmares about the abuse. We
may be killing ourselves with drugs and alcohol, or endangering our
health with risky sexual behaviors. Whatever our motivation, it is
critically important that we set clear, realistic goals for our
recovery.
    This book covers many of the issues we
struggle with as survivors of sexual abuse, and while it is
important to heal all of our issues eventually, we need to take our
process at a reasonable pace to avoid getting overwhelmed. Having
the patience to heal requires an unwavering commitment to the
betterment our lives.
    Every goal is attainable as long as it is
realistic. The key to goal attainment is perseverance. We cannot
afford to give up on our goals, because we cannot afford to give up
on ourselves. We deserve better.
    Healing sexual abuse operates on the concept
of merit-based pay. We only get what we work for. There is no magic
wand, and if we play a waiting game with these issues, we may find
ourselves on our deathbeds some day with all of these problems
still intact. I try to imagine the issues of sexual abuse as a sack
of garbage we are carrying