Having Hope (The Blow Hole Boys Book 4) Read Free

lived then. Things were rough in the beginning—the only good in my life had been the girls and the tiny bit of fame we’d earned back home in South Carolina.
    Everything else about my existence had been the thing of nightmares. I never let on to the guys, but many nights I’d slept on a park bench with nowhere else to go—the cool night air stinging my skin, and the hard metal of the bench leaving me stiff.
    The guys were my family—my brothers—my support. They had been since the moment I came home to our piece of shit trailer to find it empty.
    No furniture.
    No pictures.
    No mother.
    What kind of person packed up everything and left her son while he was at school?
    Who could do something so fucked up?
    My mother.
    That was who.
    Thankfully, the bitch left my shit on the front porch. I had my clothes and a few pieces of my past, and that was all until the moment we signed our contract.
    That was then.
    These days, we were living the glamorous life. After signing a major record deal, we had more money than we could blow.
    Trust me.
    I’d tried.
    I’d spent many weekends with the white rabbit running up my nostrils, and the cocaine afterglow dripping down the back of my throat, numbing me from the inside out and frying my regrets and memories. I’d smoked more herb than my rattling lungs could contain, and I’d drunk enough booze to drown an Irishman.
    Some days, I’d wake up with my head spinning and my stomach heaving—days I’d find myself surrounded by sleeping strangers with no memory of the night before—no memory of anything. Only tangled, naked limbs and the smell of sex to wake me.
    That was my life.
    My jam.
    It was the only way I knew how to survive—to keep the truth hidden—to keep the darkness at bay. If I didn’t, it would choke me. If I didn’t keep it hidden, I’d live each day thinking about my last day, and I couldn’t do that. Instead, I lived without care, without knowing when that day would be.
    I’d grown accustomed to that way of life.
    It was fucking beautiful.
    It was everything a young, carefree man like myself could ever want.
    The boys and I were living the lives of kings, and then everything went away.
    My boys were plucked off one by one, finding true love and starting families and shit.
    Things were changing. Things were growing … evolving. The boys weren’t down for a good party anymore. They wanted more, and I couldn’t blame them for that. They were receiving the things that I could only dream of.
    Zeke, our lead guitarist, was the first. He had fallen for a tiny blond with so much heart and love to offer it was sickening. They had kids together … beautiful blond girls who thought I was the funniest person on Earth.
    Patience and Zeke were perfection together, and even though I never thought Zeke would settle down, Patience had captured him and locked him down … happily. I’d never seen him really smile, and I’d known him for years, but these days, and with Patience, he smiled all the time.
    Finn, our lead singer, followed right behind Zeke, running into his first and only love again only to find out they had a son together. He was changed man from that moment on. And they made a home together and brought a daughter into the world.
    To see our leader, the man who never broke for anything, fall so hard and be so completely wound up over a woman was hilarious. I couldn’t say I understood it, but the happiness on his face every time he saw his wife, Faith, made it easier to accept.
    And then there was Tony, aka Tiny, who was marrying the daughter of a rock legend. They started out bumpy, drugs and their pasts getting in the way and keeping them apart, but their love was obvious, and I was happy for him and Constance. I knew it wouldn’t be long until they too were popping out babies and living the family lifestyle.
    I didn’t hate them for deciding to settle down and become family men.
    Not really.
    I loved my nieces and nephew, and while I ragged the boys