Hannah's List Read Free

it felt as if her love for me vibrated off the paper.
    My hand shook as I turned over the envelope and carefully opened it.

Chapter Two
    I don’t know how long I stared at the letter before I found the courage to unfold it. It consisted of four sheets.
    The first thing I noticed was the date. March 13. This was another date that had been burned in my memory—the Friday of our appointment with the medical team, when we’d received the devastating news.
    Hannah had written the letter that day? That was impossible. I’d been with her every minute from the appointment until dinner with Ritchie and Steph. That meant…
    I fell back against the sofa cushion and closed my eyes. Hannah must have written the letter before the appointment. She knew even before we got the final word. She’d always known. In some way I think I did, too, only I couldn’t face it. I’d refused to accept what should have been evident.
    I returned my attention to the letter. She’d written it by hand, her cursive elegant and flowing. I felt a visceralreaction to seeing her handwriting, which had once been so familiar. I tensed as if I’d just taken a punch to the gut.
My darling Michael,
    I know this letter will come as a shock to you and I apologize for that. It’s been a year now and I imagine it’s been a difficult one for you, as well as our parents and Ritchie. I would’ve given anything to have spared you this grief.
    Even on the verge of death, Hannah didn’t think of herself. Instead, she was thinking of me, our parents and her brother and how terribly we missed her and how deeply we’d loved her.
For the past few weeks I’ve been giving serious thought to what I wanted to say and what my last words to you would be. Please bear with me as I have quite a lot on my mind.
    I know people laugh when they hear about love at first sight. I was only eighteen when we met, and young as I was, I knew instantly that you were the man I was going to love…and I have, from that moment forward. I will love you until the day I die and beyond. And in my heart I know you’ll love me, too. I want to thank you for loving me. Your devotion to me through everything I’ve undergone since the cancer was diagnosed has been the greatest gift of my life. You have made me so happy, Michael.
    I closed my eyes again, fearing I didn’t have the emotional strength to continue. I knew when Ritchie handed me this letter that reading it would be hard, but I didn’t know how hard it was going to be. I dragged in a deep breath and went on.
The early years of our marriage were some of the most wonderful days of my life. We had so little, and yet all we needed was each other. I loved you so much and was…am so proud of you, of the caring pediatrician you’ve become. You were born to be a physician, Michael. And I was born to love you. Thank you for loving me back, for giving so much of yourself to me, especially during these past few months. You made them the very best months of my life.
    I don’t want to die, Michael. I fought this, I honestly did. I gave it everything in me. Nothing would have made me happier than to grow old with you. I’m so sorry that, for me, the end has to come so soon.
    Please don’t ever believe I had a defeatist attitude. When we first got the diagnosis, I was determined to fight this and win. It’s just in the past week that I’ve come to realize that this cancer is bigger than I am. There’s no use pretending otherwise.
    I had to stop reading a second time, regretting once more my insistence that Hannah travel to Europe for the experimental treatment I’d wanted her to receive. It’d beenfar too late by then. I took a moment to compose myself, then went back to her letter.
I’ve asked Ritchie to give you this a year after my death. Knowing you as well as I do, I suspect you’ve buried yourself in work. My guess is that you spend twelve hours a day at the office, eating on the run. That isn’t a healthy lifestyle, my darling. I