Hammer Read Free

lost everything.
    My dad died in a training accident when his parachute failed during his jump master requalification. It was supposed to be cut and dry: show up, qualify, train, jump, and go home. Only, he didn’t make it home.
    College became another loss. I had a football scholarship waiting. However, after watching my mother struggle, I couldn’t follow through with it. I gave my dad my word, and my father had instilled into my brother and me that our word was our bond. People in this world did not respect you for making promises, but for keeping them. My word was solid.
    At the time of Dad’s death, we lived on base. However, when you are no longer the dependents of an active duty soldier, you have to relocate. We had time, but Mom wasn’t comfortable with the everyday reminders of what we had. Her soldier was never coming home again. Sure, there was life insurance money from the government, but that only went so far after relocation and paying off old debts.
    With Dad’s job, Mom easily financed two car loans, a boat payment, and furniture on credit. Then she was left with all of that, rent, and two teen boys with no family to help her and no job. Eventually, she sold some of the items we didn’t need, like the boat, but it was hard to let go. For us, she wanted to hold on to everything that was a tangible reminder of the memories made with my dad. Only, as the bills piled up and with the survivors benefits only going so far, some things had to go, and the boat and an extra car were the first of many.
    My graduation day came at a new school off the military base. I walked, got my diploma, and then went home to stew in thoughts of my dad not seeing me walk across the stage and how my mom was struggling.
    Our family wasn’t prepared to lose the sole provider. I thought maybe I could move out, crash on a friend’s couch, and get a job to be less of a financial burden to my mom, but that still left her with my brother. At the time, I had no idea how my mother was going to take care of Evan even if I left. I remember seeing her bank account and the bills. Fact were facts; Mom needed help.
    “Just remember, son, actions speak louder than words.” My father’s advice played over and over again that night until I knew what I had to do. I only knew of one place that could give me a guaranteed paycheck and a roof over my head. The following morning, I went to the recruiters.
    I didn’t think; I reacted. The facts for me then seemed so simple. Mom needed money, and I felt a need to serve, to be close to my father in the only way I saw possible. Since my dad had supported us all by joining the Army, I would, too. Simple enough. Only, it wasn’t so simple when selection came, and the opportunity to be one of the elite presented itself.
    I had been forced to let go of my dreams of college and a football scholarship, so there was no way I was going to give up any new opportunities that came my way.
    I made the wash. I earned my green beret. I joined my Special Forces team.
    I also left my mother to deal with my brother on her own.
    I hang my head in shame now, thinking of how that led to Evan’s addiction.
    I forgot about Evan. He lost his dad, too, and then his brother left for the Army. In a lot of ways, his mother left, too. She went from a stay-at-home mom to a sole provider overnight. My brother was getting into trouble, yet it wasn’t anything Mom couldn’t handle. Well, that was what I told myself. As long as I kept sending the checks home, they would be okay. Right?
    “Stop it, Ethan,” Evan says. “Don’t go there. You’re not responsible for my actions.”
    He can say that all day and night, but I can’t help wondering how different things would be if I hadn’t left them behind. How disappointed my father would be if he knew I failed our family when they needed me the most.
    ~Desirae~
    “Push through it,” I yell out at the badass, tattooed biker in front of me as he grunts and continues to pull