movie with her friends, and the men congregated on the deck around Matt’s old guitar. Hannah and Jade took a walk down the beach.
It was mid-March, and though the temperatures were cool, there had been no fog for days. As the sun set, the Pacific Ocean stretched out like a blanket of liquid blue beneath a canopy of crimson and gold. A hundred yards down the beach, Hannah stopped and stared out to sea, breathing in the damp, salty air. “I never get tired of it.”
Jade drew up beside her. “It’s breathtaking.”
“Like a living masterpiece direct from God.”
The picnic that day was one of their monthly get-togethers, their way of staying connected and supporting each other. Jade and Tanner lived in a spacious house in Thousand Oaks, twenty minutes away, on two acres of rolling hillside. They had four bedrooms and a bonus room, a monument to Jade and Tanner’s dream of having a houseful of children one day.
The women started walking again and Hannah turned to Jade. “You look better, not so pale.”
Jade nodded and something in her eyes grew distant. “I felt good today, being with you and Tanner, laughing a little.”
Something caught in Hannah’s heart. “Things are okay at home, right?”
“We’re fine.” A smile tried to climb up Jade’s cheeks, but fell short. “Just wondering about God’s plan.”
“Babies?”
“Babies.” Jade sighed and her eyes grew wet. “We love Ty so much, but he’s thirteen. At this rate, he’ll be busy with his own life by the time we give him a brother or sister.”
Hannah walked a few steps and stopped. “How does Tanner feel?”
“He doesn’t get it.” Jade brushed her dark bangs off her face and shook her head. “He missed so much of Ty’s growing up years … all he wants is a baby in every room, a chance to be the type of father he couldn’t be to Ty.”
The cool, damp sand filled in the places between Hannah’s toes. “Ty was eleven before Tanner found out about him, right?”
“Right.” Jade stared at the sun as it dropped below the horizon. “You’d never know it; the two of them are inseparable. Tanner is such a good dad. Still … sometimes I think the whole baby thing is taking a toll.”
“Meaning …?” The soothing sound of a lone seagull punctuated their conversation.
“He’s been burying himself at work, staying later, going in earlier. There’s always a pressing case …” Jade hugged her arms close to her body. “Lately it’s like he could work day and night and it wouldn’t be enough.” She was quiet, but after a moment a soft huff crossed her lips. “No one believes in his cause more than I do … I’m the one who talked him into it fifteen years ago. But sometimes it feels like he’s pushing me away, closing down his emotions.”
Hannah nodded and fell in step alongside Jade. “Matt gets that way sometimes. There were times when we’d talk about adoption for three weeks straight, until I needed a break. A day or two to sort out my feelings. Those would end up being the same days he’d work late.”
Jade bent down and picked up a broken piece of a sand dollar.“Then there’s my health.” She brushed a sprinkling of sand off the shell, and Hannah had the clear impression Jade was refusing to make eye contact with her.
A knot formed in Hannah’s gut—a knot made from strings of fear she could no longer ignore. Bad things didn’t happen just to other people anymore. They happened. It was that simple. She stopped, and Jade turned to look at her. “The headaches?”
Hannah saw a heaviness in Jade’s eyes. She was thirty-five and usually looked ten years younger. But the past couple months …
“The headaches only come once in a while. Nothing to worry about.” Jade slipped the broken sand dollar into the pocket of her windbreaker and shrugged. “I’m tired all the time. After a shift at the hospital and Ty’s baseball game, I’m wiped. No wonder Tanner has his mind on work.”
Hannah