H. A. Carter Read Free Page B

turned from side to side
    trying desperately to find a way out, or at
least a place to hide. Hell, I'd crawl into a hole leading to
Alcatraz if there was one available. I longed to just die right
there. Tears were starting to sting at my cheeks. My vision was
getting blurry and an escape seemed pointless now. Everyone had
already seen
    me. I felt as if I were going to puke right
there on the thick blue rubber swing that dangled uselessly as I
pulled it in front of me.
    John, my best friend and only friend, was the
only one who wasn't laughing at me. He even ran in front of me,
trying to block everyone's view. He began to shout back at the
laughing crowd that gathered around me.
    “Leave him alone, guys! It was an accident!
It could have happened to any one of you!”
    His attempts were thoughtful but useless.
Practically the whole school had already seen enough to damage my
ego for a lifetime. The truth was that, yeah, it could have
happened to any one of them, but it happened to me.
    As I stood soaked in my own urine, crying
like an infant in front of a hundred of my peers, I saw Joanna
standing with her friends. JJ quickly pulled her to the front of
the crowd for front row seats to my demise. Joanna stood confused
at first yanking her arm out of JJ's grasp, but soon she was
laughing along with all the rest of the kids at the pitiful mess
before her eyes. He had lied to me. She hadn't really liked me
after all. She probably didn't even know I existed until now. I was
set up. It was all a joke, and I was the punch line.

    What's green, red, and wet all over?
    Harvey Carter after he pees himself!
     
    Ha. Ha.
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Depends.
    Depends who?
    Better get Harvey Carter some Depends before
he pees his pants!
     
    Ha. Ha. So funny I forgot to laugh...
     
    *
     
    That was the beginning of my true torment,
and the end of my self-esteem. Every day there seemed to be a fun
new joke made out of my expense. How thoughtful of me to be such an
inspiration to the numerous comedic entrepreneurs of my school. How
very thoughtful...

 
8
     
    That's all behind me now. None of it matters
Here.
    Oh God, I wish that were true.
    Some days I just want to hurt them again.
    Some days I want to relive that day.
    Some days I just want to close my eyes and
see nothing. No faces, no sadness, no crying.
    But I don't get that chance. Here I relive
that day...every day.
    And just like yesterday, and the day before,
and the day before that, I will feel that pain as plain as though
it had just happened. And here I had thought I was the one who was
supposed to be punishing them.

 
9
     
    The quiet monotone gong of the dining room
clock echoed through the still walls of the house. It will be time
soon. My mother would be coming home, just as I am leaving for
school again. I desperately wanted to be out of the house today
before she came home. I couldn't let her see the hushed agony that
radiated off my face. It's just another day to her, Harvey. Let her
have just one more normal day. She's been working the night shift
at Lou Ann's, waiting tables, then heading straight to Marv's for
the morning shift as a check out clerk. She'd be so tired that I
hardly doubt she'll even notice that I'm not home. We've always
struggled financially a bit, but things seemed to be getting worse
these days. I know she worried a lot about how she was going to be
sending me to college, which despite her best lies, was the real
reason for attaining the second job. Hopefully, after today she
won't worry so much. Being a single mom never seemed to drag her
down. She always kept a smile on her face for me when she knew I
was watching, but I knew deep down she was sad and lonely. I never
questioned her about it, at least I tried not to. My mom had dated
guys over the years, but nothing was ever serious. Actually there
were a lot of guys that I never even had the chance to meet, or
they never had a desire to meet me as the case may be. Maybe things
will change for