Guilty Read Free

Caroline, I’ll take you there.”
    Even in her drunken stupor she recognised her mistake and felt herself blushing. He wasn’t chatting her up; it was just the actions of a concerned neighbour.
    Immediately her self-respect fell. She couldn’t even pull a guy these days.
    She tugged her arm free and ordered a few bottles of beer. Steve and the bar man were exchanging a worried discourse as to what course of action they should take with her.
    She reached into her purse and tugged out a wad of money. Grabbing the bottles the bartender had put on the bar, in response to her request, she left them to their quandary. They didn’t seem to notice her clanging exit as they debated if they should go and get Simon themselves. Caroline’s battle with the bottle had been the subject of so many of Simon’s pint chats after a busy day in the office.
    The cold air bit her face as she staggered out. Her tiny facial hairs seemed to turn to icicles but the pit of her stomach was warm, the alcohol fuelling her. She tottered in the opposite direction to Simon’s. It was funny how different a place looked on foot rather than by car. Not entirely sure where this cobbled path would take her, she trekked on.
    A bottle opener was what she needed. She was a desperate woman now; the drink awakened the fury as it always did. She placed the bottle neck in her mouth and bit down hard, using her wisdom teeth to prise the top. Over two hundred pounds’ worth of dentistry gave way as her crown flew out of her mouth but she had been successful in her mission and the bottle top followed it. She downed the contents in one and carelessly hurled the glass bottle over her shoulder. She kicked her shoes off and ignored the stabs of the jagged stones as she carried on her journey to goodness knows where.
    She came across a large boulder silhouetted in the moonlight. The clear sky with the masses of twinkling stars explained the coldness of the evening and she plopped down, her head spinning. It did not relieve her dizziness and she felt herself falling, falling, falling. The ditch was comfortable, quite deep, like a Moses basket. The bracken swaddled her and she felt loved, wrapped in a blanket of nature.
    The security kindled memories of those precious first months with each of her babies. With a contented smile she fell into a stupor.
    *
    Sadie lay paralysed by fear on the grey bunk, staring at the stained walls, contemplating. She wondered what memories Bri and Simon did actually hold of her. She had expected them to have been there, today; now it seemed a foolish thought.
    A kaleidoscope of happy memories often came to her but her brothers and Dad seemed to have abandoned any thought of her as she had wandered off from them into the fog of drugs, drink and petty crimes. Well, boy, hadn’t she given them one massive memory to go off on now!
    They were so judgemental, whereas Caroline always tried to look for a cause.
    Sadie’s heroin habit had been born out of her inability to sleep due to all the worry. Mum had understood that.
    It took her to a place away from all her heartaches, but it also broke all their hearts because it took her soul away from them. It was her best mate, her replacement family.
    She had lost count of the number of times Caroline had got her on to rehabilitation programmes. Mum had supported her as she moved on to methadone, an attempt to wean her off the heroin and then Caroline had moved into that squalid bedsit with her to support her as they tried to wean her off the methadone.
    Caroline had yet again earned her angel wings as she had taken all Sadie had dished out. Sadie seldom tried to frame her words and this was one of those moments when she wished with all her heart that she could tell her mum how much she had appreciated all her efforts to try and save her from this hellhole.
    She had been convinced that coming off the methadone had been hell itself but it was nothing compared to this hopelessness, this lonely road to