Good Enough to Eat Read Free

passionate sex. I still wore decent lingerie, I still gave head joyfully and without being asked. I never belittled him or emasculated him or acted like his mother or made fun of his foibles. We used to shake our heads when we heard about those couples that were breaking up because of infidelity. We concluded that either the guys were so shitty and selfish they couldn’t keep it in their pants, or so henpecked we sort of couldn’t blame them. We were always shocked that the wives didn’t know. How do you not notice the signs? Baffling. But not us. Not me and Andrew. Nothing about this makes any sort of sense, and for the life of me I can’t begin to figure out why I didn’t know I was losing him, how I became exactly the wife I used to pity. I hear more phone clicks, and Carey’s voice is back. “Mel? You still there, honey?”
    “What’s left of me, yeah.”
    “Kai is going to be there in half an hour to take care of you, and I’m going to stay right on the—”
    “She’s fat,” I blurt out on top of her kindness.
    “Who’s fat?”
    “The woman, whoever she is, he wouldn’t say, he said it wasn’t the right time to get into that, but she’s fat. Fat like I used to be.”
    “Oh.” Carey clearly hasn’t expected this.
    “Yeah, I know. Kind of a kick in the head, huh?” I start chuckling, although it sounds more like I’m gargling chowder. Then the chuckle turns into a laugh. “SHE’S FAT! A big old roly-poly just like I was! You know, I was always so goddamned IMPRESSED with him for falling in love with me despite my girth. I always thought he was one of those guys who just sees that size doesn’t matter, who recognizes all the benefits of not being with some stick. I gave him such credit, the handsome, fit guy who is so self-confident he can show off his whale of a wife without blinking an eye.”
    “Mel . . .”
    “No, I know I was deserving of love when I was big, but I always knew that the love I deserved was because of who I was, not because of how I looked. And the whole time, it was the FAT he loved. It was the FAT he wanted. That asshole was just a chubby chaser the whole time, and all his praise of my endless QUALITIES was bullshit!” The laughter segues into tears as the truth of what is happening really begins to sink in. “I worked so hard, I sacrificed so much for this body, this stupid body that is my lifelong nemesis, and all I did with the sweat and deprivation and aches and pains and frustration was create a body that made my husband fall out of love with me.”
    “Oh, Melanie. I’m so sorry.”
    I wipe my cheeks. “Carey, what am I going to do?”
    “You’re going to suffer what you have to suffer and know that at the other end you are going to be better and stronger and ultimately happier as a result. I know it probably doesn’t feel that way now. But think about it. Would you really rather be with someone who was so deceitful, who couldn’t even discuss his concerns with you? You didn’t just wake up one day thin, honey. You worked really hard for a really long time and it never occurred to him to have a conversation with you about how your changing body was affecting him? He never considered getting some counseling to see if it wasn’t something you guys could work through? He just found someone else and bailed on you? You deserve so much better than that, and I know that deep down, you know it.”
    “I know.” But I don’t. Not really.
    “It’s going to suck for a while, but then it won’t. That much I know.”
    “Okay.”
    “Okay.”
    “I should probably put some clothes on if Kai is coming over.”
    “Want to put me on speakerphone?”
    “No. Thanks though. I’m not going to do myself a mischief, I’m just going to put on my sweats and throw my hair in a ponytail. I’ll be fine. Kai will be here soon.”
    “Okay, I’ll call in a bit to check in on you.”
    “Thanks, Carey.”
    “Chin up, kiddo. You’ll get through it.”
    “Sure. Talk to you