Free-Range Chickens Read Free Page A

eyes and say, “You probably wouldn’t get it. It has to do with communism.”
    5) If someone calls my bluff and asks me what communism is, bang my fist against the table and say, “
God,
stop being such a
poser
!”

    WAS YOUR HYPOTHESIS CORRECT ? No.
    2
    OBSERVATION: None of the girls in my class think that I’m cool.
             
    RESEARCH: Mike Cobalt wears gel in his hair and the girls think he’s cool.
             
    HYPOTHESIS: If I wear gel in my hair, then the girls will think I’m cool.
             
    MATERIAL: 1
    large bottle of Dep Shaping Gel (Extra Super Hold)
             
    METHODS:

    1) Wear gel in my hair every day for a week.
    2) When my mom stops me at the elevator every morning and begs to help me use the gel because I “don’t understand how it works,” become so furious with her that I’m almost at the brink of tears.

    WAS YOUR HYPOTHESIS CORRECT ? No.
    3
    OBSERVATION: None of the girls in my class think that I’m cool. But one of the girls in my history class has started being nice to me.
             
    RESEARCH: Sometimes when I’m eating lunch alone in the cafeteria, she sits down next to me, voluntarily. One time, when the two of us were alone in an elevator, she said, “God, Saturdays are so boring. I wish someone would take me to a
movie
or something.”
             
    HYPOTHESIS: If I ask her out, she might say yes—as long as I do it in a super-slick way.
             
    MATERIALS: 3
    cans of Jolt cola
             
    METHODS:

    1) Go to the bathroom at lunch and drink all three cans of Jolt to “get pumped.”
    2) Walk around her table in a circle until she motions for me to sit down next to her.
    3) Pretend that I just noticed for the first time that she was sitting in the cafeteria, even though it’s basically empty except for me and her.
    4) Sit down across from her.
    5) When she asks me if everything is okay, because parts of my face are twitching, tell her that I’m fine.
    6) Don’t say anything for ten whole minutes.
    7) Tell her that
The Waterboy
starring Adam Sandler is opening on Friday.
    8) Wait a little while for that information to sink in.
    9) When she asks me if I’m planning on seeing it, say yes.
    10) When she asks me if I’m going to see it
with
anyone, say no.
    11) Stare at my tray for a few minutes, until she pokes me on the shoulder and says, “Hey…do you want to ask
me
to go with you?”
    12) Look up and nod.

    WAS YOUR HYPOTHESIS CORRECT ? Yes!



Choose your own adventure
    In Choose Your Own Adventure 17 you were a
prince of England,
jousting your way to the throne! In Choose Your Own Adventure 46 you were a
boy rock star,
jamming your way up the charts! Now, in Choose Your Own Adventure 92, you’re a
grownup,
working as a Corporate Software Designer in Poughkeepsie.
    PAGE ONE
    You wake up at 7:45. The alarm clock never went off, but it doesn’t matter. You’ve gotten so used to waking up every single day at the same time that it just happens automatically now. You feel so horrible you can barely even believe it. Suddenly you remember that it’s Wednesday. That means there’s going to be one of those Projects Meetings and you’re going to have to sit through the entire three-hour nightmare as soon as you get to work. Maybe you should just call in sick? You have three sick days and you’ve only used one so far. Then again, if you use your second sick day now, you’ll only have one left.
             
    If you decide to use your sick day now, turn to Page Two.
    If you decide to save your sick day for some other time, turn to Page Six.
    PAGE TWO
    You call the office and tell them you’re sick.
    “That’s your second sick day,” Nancy tells you. “You only have one left.”
    “I know,” you say, hanging up the phone.
    How did this happen? How did this become your life?
    You try to go back to sleep, but it’s impossible. After about five minutes, you sit up and turn on the television.