Gator didn’t even wag his tail. The AKC website listed aloofness as a tendency in the breed. I felt lineage did not make personality, circumstances did. The dog was ecstatic around me, he just didn’t give a damn about anyone else. I lifted the urn holding my mother’s remains, thought about the funeral. I hadn’t had to make any of the arrangements. My mom had pre-arranged. She had told Tanner she was so he would be able to guide me. Catatonically I had gone through the day. Only Tanner and I saw her deteriorated shell before the funeral. She hadn’t wanted anyone to see her in that state and had arranged closed casket with a cremation later. The cremation may have been to save money. Urns are cheaper than cemetery plots. Friends and family paid their respects and offered me their condolences. People from school I had never spoken to showed up at my mom’s funeral in droves. I hugged bodies I didn’t even realize were in my classes. I wanted solitude. Instead, people descended upon me like a swarm of locusts, leaving behind devastation in the form of lunchmeat, cheese trays, and casseroles in coolers on my doorstep, and unwanted advice in my head. Tanner was like my shadow accepting classmate’s sympathy cards, flowers, and deflecting e-mails. He was the perfect boyfriend. Whenever I saw or heard my dad he was a giant echo, repeating that exhausting idiom, “It was for the best.” Agonizing hours further in the day, I was coming out of the bathroom when I overheard a whispered conversation between my father, stepmother and some relative. In life, everything is about timing. Their timing was wrong. My dad was telling this blood related stranger that he had kept up with the premiums on a life insurance policy for my mom. When I heard he had provided money to gamble on the length of her time remaining on earth knowing that he had dropped my mom from his healthcare policy so she had to go on Medicaid because she had quit her own position to get better I felt whatever composure I had crumble. My dad said my mom poisoned my mind against him. His actions were the real arsenic.
Chapter 4
Hanna Tanner just stared at me stunned. There were a multitude of hurts coursing through my nerves, but any pain he inflicted upon me just didn’t register. For some reason he never saw that. “Why did you take the fall for me?” Tanner feebly asked. “Because I was the one who reaped the profits from the pills. In addition, I have nothing to lose. You do.” “I convinced you to do it.” I shook my head. “Doesn’t matter.” “How can you say that?” I ignored his question. “You know what the irony of it is? I used the money you made off those pills to pay for school. How stupid was that? Tuition should have been the first bill I stopped paying.” “The first bill?” He gulped. He had no clue what it had taken me to survive this long. “Besides the cash from dog walking there was no other money coming in Tanner. Mom’s savings was depleted. What little money I had saved was used up fast. Dad didn’t provide a penny. Since she died, I’ve written cold checks and lived off a dead woman’s credit cards. I’m just happy I’m not going to jail. The least of my concerns is that some uptight school administrator thinks I was pushing.” He gestured. “What about all this?” I shrugged. “You mean the house? I haven’t paid the mortgage in months. Plus, as of today the utilities have been cut off.” I sighed. “I guess it was for the best.” He shook his head vehemently. “No it wasn’t.” He grasped at solutions. “You can move in with me. We’ve got room. I don’t want you to go.” “It’s only twenty miles. I’ll still be doing the dog business. You’ll still see me.” “Not if your car is repossessed.” “Maybe… but with the money I make from dog walking and all other financial obligations removed I might be able to keep it. I’m going to call the bank holding the