FOR MEN ONLY

FOR MEN ONLY Read Free Page B

Book: FOR MEN ONLY Read Free
Author: Shaunti Feldhahn
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generates
more
unwanted feelings for a woman! Several women described the resulting thought this way: “What happens if he doesn’t snap out of it this time?!”
    • Silence —even if nothing’s wrong. Because women have a radar for
unspoken
conflict, it’s pretty easy for women to jump to conclusions when their man is more withdrawn or quiet than usual. As one woman put it, “If you’re quiet, it must be me.” When that happens, see it for what it is and instead of getting defensive (“Why do you always assume there’s something wrong?!”), use it as an opportunity to reassure her of your love.
    • Her “emotional bank account” is depleted —perhaps she’s exhausted, or her work or the children have been particularly taxing. This may even have nothing to do with you…but she could be more easily “triggered” if her emotional bank account has nothing left in it.
    • You’re absent a lot —even if you hate the obligations that keep you away, she’s more likely to experience your absence as a challenge to her security in your love. (See chapter 4 for more on creating “security.”)
    • Unresolved relationship issues —a trigger that most guys miss entirely. If a woman has a concern about the relationship that doesn’t feel “resolved”—even if there’s no conflict involved—she is going to want to talk. And if we try to avoid it, it only makes her insecurity—and her desire to talk—worse.

    Once we recognize these triggers and see the red warning light for what it is—a signal that she needs to be reassured of our love—we can take some incredibly simple steps toward being part of the answer for her, rather than part of the problem.
    A Practical Guide to Turning Off the Red Warning Light
    I hope you’re seeing by now that a woman is likely to experience an undercurrent of emotional insecurity in her relationship
even if
you and I are totally innocent of intent, injury, or error (not that we always
are
, but work with me here). But that doesn’t mean we can’t be part of the solution.
    Maybe a husband’s responsibility and opportunity in this regard is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote the simple admonition “Husbands, love your wives…” in his letter to the church at Ephesus. I don’t hear any echoes of “The deal is sealed” in his words. Or “Once you’ve won a wife, Bubba, you’re off the hook.” What I hear is much more dynamic:
love, go on loving, continue to prove your love, keep on winning her heart with your love…

    I don’t hear any echoes of “Once you’ve won a wife, Bubba, you’re off the hook.”

    So how do you and I address the fact that our wife carries around this fundamental insecurity about our love? Based on all the research, there are two key solutions:

    1) In the face of insecurity, reassure her.
    2) Even after you’ve caught her, continue to pursue her.

    Thankfully, both are completely doable for ordinary guys like you and me.
    Part 1. Regular Reassurance
    Once her insecurity has been triggered and her heart is wondering, “Does he really love me?” the solution is simple: Reassure her that you do. Here are five ways to do that.
    1. During conflict, reassure her of your love.
    During
the disagreement, the misunderstanding, the really bad treatment? Yes. In the middle of a conflict, affirm your love as real and enduring, quite separate from your anger or her behavior.
    That is the magic bullet that almost every woman told us would make all the difference: If their man would say, “I’m angry right now, and I need some space, but
I want you to know that we’re okay
.” On the survey, a whopping 95 percent of women said that this one step on our part would diminish or even eliminate the emotional turmoil on their part.

    In an emotional conflict, if your husband/significant other initiates a step to reassure you of his love, how much does it help diminish any turmoil you are feeling? [Choose one answer.]

    That is the magic

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