parties, big parties, and they invite all of their friends and not one of them can hear at all. That doesn’t stop them from playing their music all night long, very loudly. I can sit in my bedroom and enjoy hip-hop, rock, rap and country at decibel levels that rival a live concert. When I come out of my bedroom and look at them, I can barely hear myself think. Not one of them is dancing, or even acknowledging that the music is playing, but they put it on every time they have a party. The ground shakes from their festivities and when the neighbors come to complain, nobody can hear them knocking at the door. In fact, even if they weren’t hearing impaired, the music would be too loud for them to hear it. Most of the time I just leave and work out or go to the movies. One poor guy came to complain to me about the noise and I offered him a pair of noise-canceling headphones. I’m surprised they haven’t been ticketed yet.”
“Maybe they didn’t hear the summons.
”You’re hilarious. What are you here for, anyway? I can’t imagine you’re here to listen to stories about my neighbors. ”
“Well, I do love your stories. Remember the one when Dexter kept tricking you with his smoke machine. How many times did he set off the smoke alarm? That’s my favorite. Wasn’t it like four times in a row?” Blaine’s smirkish stone demeanor cracked as he chuckled at his friend’s misfortune.
“Yes, I’m gullible. Fire is no laughing matter.”“That is priceless. Dexter is an evil genius. Of course you are fun to prank, Boyscout. You never see it coming. He and I must exchange notes someday.”
David rolled his eyes and fell back on the couch. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, I’m going to throw you out on your rich, little ass.”
“Don’t be such a fuddy-duddy. Let’s go somewhere; I need to do be outdoors. I was thinking we would go mountain-climbing tonight.”
“Blaine, remember what the doctor said? You have no business scaling cliffs.”
“Ehh. It’s a little cliff and my back is fine. Besides, what does that doctor know? He went to A&M. He probably couldn’t spell contusion, much less diagnose it.”
“How did you even do that to your back anyway? Wait, I don’t want to know. You’d be safer here. I have an extra tool belt. Help me grout the tile in the bathroom.”
“My secrets are my own. Stop acting like such a hayseed. I’m not one of your projects, David. I don’t need to be rescued.”
“That’s debatable.” David tossed Blaine a leather tool belt from his seat.
“No, no, no. I need to get out of the city for a while, and you need the exercise.”
David threw a tape-measure at his friend’s face. “Calling me fat, City-Boy? I’ll knock you out right here.”
“Besides the doughy-ness around your mid-section, you need to exercise to get that body ready for the Holiday Fantasy Date next weekend.” He caught the tape-measure without flinching and let it fall to the ground.
“There is no way you are going to make me get up in front of all those people and take my clothes off. I will make an absolute fool of myself. Plus there is always some old woman with too much money that tries to buy me and imprison me in her condominium.”
“Come on, Boyscout.” Blaine sits next to his friend on the long couch and wraps his arm around David’s neck. “You can’t deprive the women of Austin from that God-like physique of yours.”
With a punch to the arm, David replies, “God-like? I was doughy a second ago.”
“You are whatever gets you to that auction.”
“Thanks, Dracula. Your honesty and respect touch my heart.”
“I know. Now let’s get some rich socialite to touch that . . .” Blaine points toward David’s lap only to have his hand swatted away.
“Nope. I am not going to do it.”
“Have you ever heard the expression ‘ace in the hole’? Here is the thing; it’s for charity, many charities in fact.” David gives a long, defeated, knowing
Christie Sims, Alara Branwen