Flotsam and Jetsam Read Free

exposed skin. Then he let forth a stream of invective quite unbecoming to one of his cloth.
    Despite himself, Lachlan chuckled. Fearful that Kenneth Canfield should hear him he puffed harder on his pipe and soon had billows of smoke around him. ‘Are you being attacked, Kenneth?’ he called rhetorically.
    Kenneth was swiping at the swarm of midges to no avail. In despair he lashed out at the ball with his club and foozled it a few yards ahead. With a scowl he shouldered his bag, ran on to the ball and swiped again, with similar result. Eventually, after three more such attempts, he made it to the fairway, finally leaving the midge swarm behind him.
    Lachlan knocked an easy five iron into the heart of the green.
    ‘I wish I had known that you had a midge problem over on that side of the course,’ Kenneth said plaintively.
    Lachlan noticed the suspicious glint in his eye, but feigned surprise. ‘Oh well, Kenneth, you are in the Outer Hebrides. The whole of the west of Scotland has a midge problem as you know. All you can do is try to avoid them.’
    ‘Or keep them away with a foul-smelling pipe!’
    Lachlan laughed. ‘With all these new anti-smoking laws the golf course is about the only place left where you are allowed to smoke. The fact that the meanbh-chuileag, the “tiny fly” doesn’t like my tobacco is quite fortuitous.’ He watched as Kenneth selected a seven iron and addressed his ball.
    ‘Maybe you should have checked on Dr Digby Dent’s Midge Index before coming out this morning?’ Lachlan suggested.
    To his surprise Kenneth glared at him, and then took a wild swipe at his ball. The result was inevitable. He hit a duck hook that sent the ball arcing viciously in the direction of the rough and more gorse bushes on the left. It disappeared into them.
    ‘Pah! It is no good. I concede this hole Lachlan. Why did you have to mention that man’s name?’
    ‘Dr Dent?’ Lachlan returned with mild surprise. ‘Have you a problem with him, Kenneth? Why he seems a decent enough chap to me. He must be the world’s foremost expert on the midge. In fact, I am planning to go to hear him talk tonight. He is doing a short spot on that Scottish TV show that they are shooting on the island over the next two weeks. Flotsam & Jetsam it is called. I was going to suggest that you come along?’
    ‘Ah yes, that antique and junk show with the tanned chappie with the world’s worst wig and the glamorous partner. I have seen an episode or two when they came to Inverness. So what is my university’s famous entomologist doing on this show?’
    Lachlan tapped his pipe out on the blade of his putter andgrinned. ‘Explaining about midges, would you believe?’
    The Reverend Kenneth Canfield smiled back. ‘In that case I wouldn’t miss him for the world.’
    But Lachlan noted the tinge of sarcasm in his voice that belied the smile.
III
    Fergus Ferguson was used to being recognized. Camera-shy he definitely was not. In fact, he felt totally at home in front of a lens, which undoubtedly had something to do with his great success as a TV presenter. Although he thought it a bit of a mouthful, he revelled in being known as the doyen of the antique and bric-à-brac world. Yet this particular camera lens was causing him some agitation.
    ‘Why doesn’t he bloody well answer?’ he said to Chrissie, his attractive, long-blonde-haired partner and co-host on the popular Flotsam & Jetsam TV show. ‘I’m sure I can see him sitting watching us from behind those lace net curtains.’
    ‘Shush, Fergie!’ she whispered. ‘You might be right, but it’s hard to say from this distance. But if he’s there then he’ll be able to hear you on this intercom. Now don’t swear.’ She raised her hand to cover her eyes and looked admiringly up at the house. ‘It’s a fantastic place that he has here. And a fabulous view over his own stretch of beach.’
    He straightened up from the stone pillar with the intercom and camera beside the