Fish Out of Water Read Free

have a pigtails.
    “So what’s with the stiff? Aldus says we need an autopsy. Been trying to get Larry, but no luck. Done one of his disappearing acts. I guess I’ll take her to the morgue anyway, prep her, ’til we reach him.” Billy sidelines as a forensic assistant, helping out the coroner.
    Damn. Last thing I needed was this doofus poking around my girl.
    “Thanks Billy,” I purred, real friendly, to the background buzz of crickets and a lone generator. He grinned hopefully. “But you better not prep her tonight, huh? Federal law. Anyone who deals with a corpse under the influence is liable to hefty penalties.”
    Billy licked his lips in a gesture that came off stomach-churningly sensuous. “Really?”
    I nodded. “Oh yeah, man. And there’s something about this case.” I searched for the right word. “Something… fishy.”
    The crickets buzzed. The generator groaned. I waited, to give him time to catch up.
    Billy nodded, mentally watching the greenbacks fly out of his account.
    “The feds are gonna be all over it. Might be best if you just keep her on ice. I’ll meet you at the morgue in the morning.”
    Billy’s now glum face lit up, creasing into a toothy smile. “Tomorrow? Sunday?”
    I nodded reluctantly. Here it comes .
    That tongue reappeared to caress his lips. “Your Ma still do brownies Sunday mornin’?”
    Men and their appetites . Every atom in me wanted to tell him to take his greedy little brownie-loving fingers and shove ’em where the sun don’t shine, but I needed him on my side.
    “Sure. Leave Blondie alone tonight and there’ll be brownies in it for you tomorrow.”
    Billy smiled and turned back to his rig to pop the gurney out before speeding off, leaving Aldus and me on Main Street looking at the slick stain where she’d been a moment before. Aldus cracked his knuckles enthusiastically and smiled hopefully, but I couldn’t shake the fog of wrong that was dogging me.
    “I guess we’d better start canvassing,” I suggested to Aldus, who looked like a petulant twelve-year-old whose Mama’s told him he’s gotta do his homework before he goes to surf porn on the internet. Dr Phil would tell him to “muscle up.”
    “Come on Aldus,” I offered heartily, punching him on the arm affectionately but forgetting my strength until he winced and rubbed the spot my fist had landed. “Remember I said I’ll take the late? But we have a dead girl here. Our first corpse in God knows how long.”
    “Do you have to act so goddamn excited?” He sounded really petulant now. “Anyway, how bout old Mrs Kraus, down on Park and Lincoln last week? You forget already?”
    “Buh-bow.” I made a noise like a game show buzzer signalling wrong answer . “Cardiac arrest. She was eighty-five. Her team lost the bridge final. She didn’t have the heart to go on.”
    “ Uncommon courage , my ass,” Aldus bitched. “Uncommon nagging more like. Shoulda given you the Medal of Pain-in-the-Ass, not the Medal of Freakin’ Valor.”
    I laughed and scratched my arm, where the shiny, plastic scar ran from cuff to elbow.
    Thing is, I agreed with him. No way am I brave. A year later and I still have nightmares about red-headed girls clutching smoking teddy bears.
    Aldus swiftly changed tack, reminding me he wasn’t as clueless as he liked everyone to believe. “Ah, so okay, okay. What the hell else we gotta do this week, right? Only business lately’s been those crazy sonsabitches out at the old Hagan estate.”
    “Technically,” I corrected him, “there are some pretty damn irritating daughtersabitches out there too.” We both sighed into the claggy heat of the Dirtwater night.
    Aldus and I had really had it with the Children of the Apocalypse. “They aren’t the only ones sayin’ the world’s gonna end,” Aldus snorted. He was in his Buick, one leg propped on the dash, and I could see sock and way too much hairy white leg. “I know it’s hot as hell and feels like the end of the goddamn