Fearless Hope: A Novel Read Free Page B

reading and writing. Her father, Henry, was an especially skilled farmer, and because of him, there was little she did not know about running a farm or caring for livestock. Deep down, she knew there was really only one career she had ever wanted—in her heart she took after her father, a farmer who loved growing things. Unfortunately, knowing how to run a productive farm was not going to be of any help to her. Except for the two acres they were renting, she had no land of her own, and there wasn’t exactly a Help Wanted section in the local newspaper for Amish women wanting to work as fieldhands or farm managers.
    Myron, one of the older teenage boys from their church, walked up and stood solemnly in front of her.
    “Titus was a gut man.” He held his black hat loosely in his big farm-boy hands. “Everyone liked him.”
    “ Ja , he was well liked,” she answered.
    “I will care for your yard-mowing come summer,” he said. “Do not worry about that.”
    She nodded her acceptance, unable to speak without choking up. These were her people. They did not ask what theycould do . . . they simply did it. She knew that Myron would be as good as his word once the grass began to grow.
    “Your husband is in a—a better place.” Paul Troyer stumbled over the simple words. “He is . . . with Jesus now.”
    Poor Paul. She felt sorry for him. Only a month ago he had nearly fainted when he’d opened the hymnal he had selected by lot and found the paper telling him that he had been chosen to be their next minister. Such a heavy burden on his shoulders for the rest of his life. Ah, well, the Lord knew best.
    Hope tried to concentrate and take comfort from the words that were being said by the various people who spoke to her, giving condolences. Everyone in the church knew and cared about her circumstances. Her children would not go hungry. The church’s alms would give her some measure of cushion while she tried to figure out what to do.
    From across the room, she saw one man eyeing her, and she wished he would stop. Abimelech Yoder was recently widowed and was openly searching for a new wife to finish raising his children. She would never be desperate enough to move into Abimelech’s house. He was at least fifteen years older than she was. Besides, she never cared for the man and always pitied his overworked wife.
    Adam and her mother came back and the child sat more patiently now that he had gotten his trip to the bathroom. Carrie was being allowed to play dolls quietly in the corner with some older girls who were being kind to her.
    “Where is Daddy?” Adam tugged on her sleeve and asked the heart-wrenching question in German, which at his age was the only language he knew.
    “ Daed got hurt,” Hope whispered back. “He will not be with us anymore.”
    Adam looked at her with innocent blue eyes.
    “Does Daddy need a Band-Aid?”
    The question broke her heart anew. There was simply no way that this sweet child could understand what had happened, and he shouldn’t have to. Titus had been strong, young, and brave. He should be out mowing hay right now instead of lying in the ground.
    Oh, she was so angry!
    How were her children supposed to deal with such loss? Apparently, Adam intended to deal with it by resurrecting the thumb sucking he’d put away for nearly three years.
    They were quite the bruised family, they were.
    She was aware that the Lord did not promise anyone a trouble-free life. With a history of ancestors martyred for their beliefs, she did not come from people who expected an easy path.
    So why was she bothering to question the pain she felt?
    Once, she had overheard an older woman say that truly deep faith was forged on the anvil of misfortune and tragedy. Hope did not want to believe this. She did not want to possess a deep faith if this was the price one had to pay. Shallow was good. All she wanted was a happy life with her family intact.
    In the back of her underwear drawer, in a jelly jar, she