False Premises Read Free

“That does it!” She kicked her seat aside, grabbed the man’s arm, and, in one swift motion, flipped him onto the floor, nearly upsetting a display of cutlery in the process.
    The store patrons gasped and shrieked, riveted. I couldn’t help but stare. The man’s hair had shifted. As if merely checking his skull for injuries, he grabbed his head with both hands to center his wig. He struggled to his feet, and the weapon fell from his belt. A middle-aged woman in the seat next to his shrilled, “Oh, my God! He’s got a gun!”
    Everyone began to clamber to their feet. Already racing for the exit, Laura whipped out her cell phone and cried over her shoulder, “I’m calling the police! I’ll be right back with them!”
    Audrey’s crowd also started to head for the exit. The man stuffed the gun into the back of his pants and shouted over the pandemonium, “Wait! It’s okay, everyone! I’m an undercover cop!”
    His words had an eye-of-the-hurricane effect on the crowd. The frantic commotion gradually quieted a little, and the two women closest to the exit hesitated and looked back at him tentatively.
    “Ladies. Please! As an officer of the law, I have no intention of firing my gun, I assure you, and I’m not even on duty tonight.” His voice was authoritative, even as he made placating gestures. “If everyone could please just take their seats . . .” He kept repeating this request, and eventually the edgy patrons began to shuffle back toward the chairs. The man glanced at Audrey. “Real sorry, ma’am. I’ll get out of everyone’s hair now.” He left in the same direction that Laura had gone.
    Audrey cleared her throat briskly and rang a small brass bell. “I hope everyone enjoyed my preshow entertainment, provided to you courtesy of the Free-for-All Players of Piedmont, Colorado. Be sure to check your local papers for their next performance. I hear their Instant Shakespeare is especially enjoyable. But right now, it’s time to talk table settings.”
    Everyone chuckled with relief and began to reclaim their seats in earnest. There was no way I could simply sit down and listen to Audrey’s presentation. Much as I wanted to believe that the wig-wearing man was truly a police officer, he hadn’t shown his badge, he’d called attention to himself despite claiming to be undercover, and he was following Laura again.
    I started to make my way toward the exit, past Hannah. She grabbed my elbow. “Erin. Are you all right?”
    “Fine. But I’d better go check on my friend. Even though she’s probably already on her way back here with a uniformed officer.”
    Hannah clicked her tongue and grumbled, “You obviously don’t know Laura very well. There’s no way she’s coming back, let alone with a cop.” She turned on her heel and stepped beside Audrey to introduce her to the audience.
    I mouthed “Sorry” to Audrey and left. I trotted in the same direction Laura had headed and circled the entire pedestrian mall twice. Laura had vanished, as had the “undercover cop.”
    Worry niggled at me the next morning as I made the drive west toward Laura’s sprawling mountain house, so I repeated to myself my personal mantra—confidence and optimism—which helped me to calm my nerves. Although I’d phoned Laura twice last night and left messages both times to “please call me back regardless of the hour,” she hadn’t returned my calls, and there’d been no answer when I tried again just an hour ago. If no one was home now, I decided, I could at least leave a note on the door.
    I parked in the driveway of the two-story house, which, with its formidable white columns and arched windows, had a grand, Gone with the Wind aura despite its stucco exterior and mountain setting. I rang the doorbell and glanced around as I waited on the porch. The flowers were starting to bloom, after a late start. The climate in the mountains tends to delay Colorado’s lower-elevation growing season by a good month or