I’ll
come up for a little while.” He kneaded the back of his neck as he pulled into
the dorm parking lot and searched for a parking space, his expression
inscrutable.
Prickles of
apprehension arose in my chest, and I swallowed uneasily. “Are you all right?”
The neck-rubbing was a known stress signal.
He flicked a
glance in my direction. “Yeah. Sure.” He pulled into the first open spot,
wedging his BMW between two pickups. He never, ever wedged his prized
import into constricted spots. Door dings drove him insane. Something was up. I
knew he was worried over upcoming midterms, especially pre-cal. His fraternity
was hosting a mixer the next night, too, which was plain stupid the weekend
before midterms.
I swiped us into
the building and we entered the back stairwell that always creeped me out when
I was alone. With Kennedy behind me, all I noticed was dingy, gum-adorned walls
and the stale, almost sour smell. I jogged up the last flight and we emerged
into the hallway.
Glancing back at
him while unlocking my door, I shook my head over the charming portrayal of a
penis someone had doodled onto the whiteboard Erin and I used for notes to each
other and from our suitemates. Coed dorms were less mature than depicted on
college websites. Sometimes it was like living with a bunch of twelve year
olds.
“You could call in
sick tomorrow night, you know.” I laid a palm on his arm. “Stay here with
me—we’ll hide out and spend the weekend studying and ordering take-out… and
other stress-reducing activities…” I grinned naughtily. He stared at his shoes.
My heart sped up
and I suddenly felt warm all over. Something was definitely wrong. I wanted him
to spit it out, whatever it was, because my mind was conjuring nothing but alarming
possibilities. It had been so long since we’d had a problem or a real conflict
that I felt blindsided.
He moved into my room
and sat on my desk chair, not my bed.
I walked up to
him, our knees bumping, wanting him to tell me he was just in a bad mood, or
worried about his upcoming exams. My heart thudding heavily, I put a hand on
his shoulder. “Kennedy?”
“Jackie, we need
to talk.”
The drumming pulse
in my ears grew louder, and my hand dropped from his shoulder. I grabbed it up
in my other hand and sat on the bed, three feet from him. My mouth was so dry I
couldn’t swallow, let alone speak.
He was silent,
avoiding my eyes for a couple of minutes that felt like forever. Finally, he
lifted his gaze to me. He looked sad. Oh, God. Ohgodohgodohgod.
“I’ve been having
some… trouble… lately. With other girls.”
I blinked, glad I
was sitting down. My legs would have buckled and sent me to the floor if I’d
have been standing. “What do you mean?” I croaked out. “What do you mean,
‘trouble’ and ‘other girls’?”
He sighed heavily.
“Not like that , not really. I mean, I haven’t done anything.” He
looked away and sighed again. “But I think I want to.”
The hell?
“I don’t
understand.” My mind worked frantically to make the best possible situation out
of this, but every single remotely-possible alternative sucked.
He got up and
paced the room twice before planting himself halfway between the door and me.
“You know how important it is to me to pursue a career in law and politics.”
I nodded, still
stunned to silence and pedaling hard to keep up.
“You know our
sister sorority?”
I nodded again,
acknowledging the very thing I’d worried about when he moved into the frat
house. Apparently, I hadn’t worried enough.
“There’s a girl—a couple
of girls, actually, that… well.”
I tried to keep my
voice rational and level. “Kennedy, this doesn’t make sense. You aren’t saying
you’ve acted on this, or that you want to—”
He stared into my
eyes, so there’d be no mistake. “I want to.”
Really, he could
have just punched me in the stomach, because my brain refused to comprehend the
words he was saying. A physical