Dream New Dreams Read Free Page A

we raised our voices in anger or frustration with one another, which is remarkable, given the stress of child rearing and a life-threatening illness. Randy was always so rational and reasonable, and he loved me so completely that he would do anything for me.
    Although the infant stage was hard for him, Randy really came into his own when the children got to be about two years old. He was the one who would do crazy things with them. One of their favorite games was Scare the Mommy, which usually consisted of silly tricks. When they were little, Randy liked to balance the kids in the palm of his hand. The child would stand up straight as Randy moved his hand up, down, and around. Of course, I would scream and cry out at the appropriate moments, and the kids thought this was great. Randy was also the one with whom they could curl up on the couch. Mommy always seemed busy taking care of one child or another or preparing some meal or snack, but Daddy was their snuggle buddy, giving them lots of one-on-one attention, talking with them about their day or some topic of interest. Randy also cooked with them, mostly breakfast on the weekends, when we had more leisure time. Randy’s favorite thing to make was animal pancakes. He didn’t use a preformed mold, but rather poured the mixdirectly onto the skillet in such a way as to make a shape that kind of looked like something. It was the kids’ job to determine what shape the pancake was, perhaps a horse or a pig. It was like a Rorschach test, a fun game that elicited much conversation and laughter at the breakfast table. We spent many a happy morning over those crazy pancakes!
    As much as we loved spending time together, we also loved being with our families. We wanted the children to know both of our families, even though we lived at least four hours from our closest relative. So we would make trip after trip to Maryland and Virginia to visit, from the time the children were just babies. I remember the last family trip we took before Randy learned he had cancer. It was the summer of 2006, and we had decided to visit my younger brother in Raleigh, North Carolina. Most people would not see the combination of a newborn with a twenty-two-month-old and a four-and-a-half-year-old for a long road trip as their idea of a vacation. But we were committed to the idea of keeping our family ties close. Little did we know how much we would test those ties as we soon would call on our families to help us.
    It was early August and the weather was hot—Southern hot, when the humidity hovers around 90 percent all the time and the day starts off at a cool 85 degrees. We stayed at a little hotel with a pool not far from my brother’s house. The key word here is pool. During the few days we stayed in Raleigh, we spent most of the time in the water. The boys and Randy loved it; the two took turns jumping in, waiting for Randy to catch them, while I held baby Chloe in a more tranquil part of the pool. My brother and his wife came over to grill out in the evening and relax in the shade or play in the water with the kids. My friends from college came by to join us for a dip.
    I particularly remember one friend watching Randy play with the boys; she was so touched by their love for each other and the joy they had being together. I remember looking at the same scene and thinking how happy I was that I was part of such a wonderful family and how many more times I would see this scene unfold in different ways throughout my lifetime: my husband, their father, loving them, being with them, enjoying the simple pleasures in life. This was one of my dreams come true: having a family—a loving, happy family. It had its challenges, no doubt, but the rewards were far greater than I ever expected. I loved being a mother and a wife, and I threw myself into these roles with fervor, learning how to grow my heart big enough to love four people. When life looks so rosy, it’s hard to imagine the ground shaking and opening