Don't Ask

Don't Ask Read Free Page A

Book: Don't Ask Read Free
Author: Donald E. Westlake
Tags: General Interest
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Nations lets you become a member if you got a bone? That's too stupid to even be a sentence."
    "Nevertheless," Dortmunder said, "I bet that's the story here. Am I right, Tiny?"
    "You're right, Dortmunder," Tiny said.
    Kelp said, "He's right?"
    "More or less," Tiny said. "And if you guys come into this with me, you'll be doin a wonderful thing for a little country never hurt nobody."
    Dortmunder nodded. He said, "And?"
    Tiny was not a subtle man. He could be seen pretending not to understand what Dortmunder meant. He said, "And? That's it, and. That's the story."
    "Tiny," Dortmunder said, more in sorrow than in anger, "if we get this bone and turn it over to your cousin here, Tsergovia gets into the UN, don't ask me why. What do we get out of it?"
    "Heroes!" Grijk cried."A statue in the main square in the capital atOsigreb! Your. pictures on stamps! Your names in children's schoolbooks!" 'I'hat's kind of, uh, public," Dortmunder pointed out, "for a burglary.
    I mean, Tiny, we're talking a burglary here, aren't we?"
    "Right up your alley, Dortmunder."
    "What I like out of a burglary, Tiny," Dortmunder said, "no offense to you or Tsergovia, is not so much publicity as profit."
    "Vot problem we god in Tsergovia," Grijk said very sincerely, "is we god nod enough hard currency."
    "I know exactly how you feel," Dortmunder said.
    "So vot we could offer," Grijk went on more brightly, "is fifty tousand dollars apiece."
    "Well, that's nice," Stan said, and he and Kelp and Dortmunder all smiled.
    "In Tsergovia," Grijk finished.
    They stopped smiling. Kelp said, "What do you mean? We got to go there and bring it back?"
    "Veil, it would be in drafts," Grijk explained, "nod in dollars, so you wouldn't bring it back, you know, you couldn't spend drafts anyvere bud in Tsergovia."
    "That's what you call your money," Dortmunder guessed. "Drafts."
    "D'exchange rate is wery good right now," Grijk told him. "It's, uh, I tink today it's two tousand six hundred fifty drafts." 'to the dollar." 'to da penny. Tinka all dose drafts! You could stay da best hotels, eat da best restaurants, ski da mountains, water sports da lakes, meet beautiful local girls--"
    "I don't know," Dortmunder said, regretfully shaking his head. "Vacation travel hadn't actually been part of my plans, May and me, we thought we'd just stick around the city this summer."
    Kelp said, 'q'any? Isn't there anything we could get for ourselves?
    Something valuable in this mission we could pick up while we're in there anyway? Crown jewels? Old master paintings on the wall? You know, Tiny, a little something for our trouble." "Gas money," Stan said.
    'Tney got a couple electric typewriters in the mission there," Tiny suggested doubtfully. "And, uh, Andy, you always like phones."
    "Not enough, Tiny," Dortrnunder said. "I can't speak for Andy and Stan, but--"
    "Oh, sure you can," Kelp said, and Stan said,"Go ahead, be my guest."
    "Okay," Dortmunder said. "In that case, Tiny, I got to tell you, we don't see it. We value your friendship, the nice professional relationship we had in the past, we hope to work with you again in the future--"
    "Naturally," Tiny said.
    "But this time, I'm sorry to say it, Tiny, this time is a pass. You break and enter, you risk arrest and imprisonment--"
    "A country's mission," Stan said, "probably they got armed guards."
    "They do," Tiny conceded.
    "Murderers!" Grijk shouted, thumping the table with his free hand.
    "Scoundrels!"
    "So there's another risk," Dortmunder said. "And for what? For some guy's bone that I don't even know, thath"
    "Girl," Tiny said. "Saint Ferghana was a girl. And it's her leg bone, the bone from the hip to the knee."
    Kelp said, "Which leg?"
    Dortmunder shook his head at his friend. "I don't think that matters, Andy," he said. "In the first place, she's dead. And in the second place, we're turning the job down." 'qCell, that's true," Kelp agreed.
    Tiny turned to his cousin and performed a massive shrug, like tectonic plates moving. "I'm

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