Doctors of Philosophy Read Free Page A

the pleasure of pleasing a man. Hundreds of women academics are married these days. They teach in the universities, run their homes, have babies, write books and feed their husbands — I don’t know how they do it all.
    L EONORA. I know how they do it all.
    CATHERINE . How?
    L EONORA. Badly.
MRS. S . comes in.
    MRS. S . You got nothing done this morning, Mrs. D. It’s always the same in the holidays when Leonora’s here, you sit arguing the toss and nothing gets done.
    CATHERINE. In our way, we’ve been making progress, Mrs. S.
    MRS. S. In my way, I’ve been making the beds, Mrs. D.
    LEONORA. I made my bed.
    MRS. S . You didn’t.
    LEONORA. Didn’t I? How very odd. I usually do.
    CATHERINE. Perhaps you were a bit distracted this morning, Leonora?
    MRS. S . Back to where we started. You better do something.
    CATHERINE. What do you want me to do? I don’t feel up to much. Leonora, why did you forget to make your bed?
    L EONORA. I have no idea. I’m only an absent-minded professor. You could open my parcel, Catherine, if you want something to do.
    CATHERINE. I’m saving it till this afternoon.
    MRS. S . Go on. Open it and get it over.
MRS. S. gets down the parcel.
    CATHERINE. Can I trust you, Leonora?
    L EONORA. What do you mean?
    CATHERINE. Is it something insulting?
    LEONORA . No.
    CATHERINE. Mrs. S., where are the scissors?
    LEONORA. Untie it. It’s easy.
    CATHERINE. I want scissors. Kindly allow me to organise my own home in my own way. Mrs. S. — scissors, please.
    MRS S . They’ll need finding.
Goes out.
    LEONORA. The situation between us is very unhealthy, Catherine.
    CATHERINE. What do you mean?
    L EONORA. I mean that you’re so anxious about my present. I’ve never given you an insulting present. Really, I must leave this house.
    CATHERINE. No, Leonora. I don’t want you to go. I’m upset.
MRS. S . comes in with scissors.
    It’s so exciting, opening a parcel.
    MRS. S . Think it was a bomb, the way you was going on. I suppose it’s a bed-jacket. Now take it easy, Mrs. D.
    CATHERINE (holds up nightdress). It’s a nightdress. A beautiful transparent feminine honeymoon nightdress.
    MRS. S. That’s torn it. Take a seat, Mrs. D.
    L EONORA. If you don’t like it, I’ll keep it for myself and buy you something else.
    CATHERINE. A sexy little, seductive little … Thank you, Leonora. You always give me something suitable for bed. Well, I suppose one spends a lot of one’s life in bed, so it’s quite a good idea. Nobody ever gives me a book, for instance, because it wouldn’t be sensible. They know very well I haven’t got time to read any book, except classics prescribed for the fourth form, even if I had the capacity to read one. I suppose you realise, Leonora, that if I had cared to make a career of scholarship I would have been a far better palaeographist than you are a classicist.
    MRS. S . Leonora, if you done this on purpose, you’ll get a judgment on you.
    LEONORA. Catherine, I’m appalled. Tell me what book you would like to have and give me back the nightdress. It’s the sort of thing I like to wear myself.
    CATHERINE (tossing the nightdress on top of the box of old clothes). You may add it to your niece’s trousseau, Mrs. S.
    MRS. S . There’s a way to give, Mrs. D., and a way not to give. However, I make allowance for the conflict raging at present within you between your Ph.D. that was and the nuptial significance of the nightie in question.
    LEONORA. This is a pathetic fuss, Catherine. I didn’t realise you were quite so touchy on the subject. You should have a holiday.
    CATHERINE, I should never have got married, Leonora. You were right. It was a mistake.
    LEONORA. You could not have stood a celibate life. You would always have been divided.
    CATHERINE. I’ll tell you where I made the mistake. Marriage — yes. But I shouldn’t have married into the academic world. Can you imagine what it has felt like, as a scholar, to be the mere chattel of another scholar for all these years?
    L