Ditch Read Free

Nothin’ to it really, just a straight mile a’ cottages runnin’ through.
    Bug It been empty a long time, way before the orders came to leave. Been a tourist spot before, droves a’ walkers passin’ through on weekends, kind a’ place southerners retired too.
    Turner What it is is a prime spot for Illegals.
    Bug We check the cottages for any sign a’ ’em, blankets, smuts still alive, empty tinned food cans where the sauce aint turned.
    Turner They hole up in ’em before makin’ their way just north a’ there to the Pennine Way, leads all the way up to the Scottish border. Most a’ the time that’s where the cunts a’ headin’, Scotland.
    Bug Thinkin’ it better in the north.
    Turner Sometimes I reckon the border restrictions should be lifted for a week.
    Mrs Peel and Megan bring in four plates of a dismal breakfast.
    Turner Let all the Civilians in cities and settlements go where ever the fuck they want and see it pretty much the same everywhere. After that they’d be back in their pens and the cunts’d stay put, no more Illegals. ( Grins with a mouthful. ) But then we’d be out of a’ job.
    Beat.
    Turner That alright with you Burns if we do Edale?
    Burns ( Nods. ) Do a circle on the way back by Kinder Scoutt.
    Turner You takin’ James out with you or he comin’ with us?
    Burns Me and him’s stayin’ about here.
    Turner Showed him what there is yesterday.
    Burns There’s some work to be done.
    Turner What work?
    Burns Seein’ to that plot a’ land by the stables.
    Mrs Peel looks over at Burns and Turner sees her.
    Burns Preparin’ it for a crop.
    Bug More spuds?
    Burns Needs to be weeded and spaded first.
    Bug All a’ it?
    Burns Me and James’ll start her off.
    Bug That’s a lot a’ shovellin’.
    Burns Youse can take over when you get back, be done in a week or so.
    Turner stands.
    Bug Where you goin’?
    Turner To do my job.
    Turner walks off. Bug stands.
    Burns See you in a couple a’ days.
    Bug nods and leaves.
    Burns Any good at shovellin’ James?
    James Can’t say I done it before.
    Mrs Peel enters to clear the plates.
    Burns S’like bein’ the batsman in cricket.
    James Can’t say I been that either.
    Burns and James leave.
    Burns It’s all in the kneel.
    Mrs Peel Burns?
    Burns stops before he leaves turns to Mrs Peel . Beat.
    Mrs Peel New boy been in here this mornin’. He been real excited to know we got a cow, way I see it he aint had his hands around a teat in a long time. Make sure he knows that milkin’ the cow aint his job round here.
    Mrs Peel leaves.
    Scene Three
    Peak. Night.
    Turner is sat staring into the small fire. Bug approaches Turner from behind. The horses are heard to stir occasionally.
    Bug ( Sheepishly. ) Turner . . .
    Turner What?
    Beat.
    Turner What you forgot this time?
    Bug The tarp.
    Turner What a’ we gonna do now?
    Bug We could go back?
    Turner I aint goin’ back.
    Bug I could go back.
    Turner Fuck the tarp.
    Bug Fuck the tarp?
    Turner Fuck the tarp. Fuck the rain. Fuck the land. Fuck Burns.
    Bug ( Grins. ) Thought you was pissed at me.
    Turner And fuck you.
    Bug ( Still grinning. ) But you aint.
    Turner Aint you pissed about it?
    Bug Yeah, I’m pissed. But. Way I see it, I only gotta be pissed for three days.
    Turner Three days?
    Bug Four max.
    Turner We supposed to be patrollin’ this here bastard peak, and now there’s just two a’ us doin’ it.
    Bug We’ll be four by the end a’ the week.
    Turner By then we could a’ lost out on god knows how many Illegals.
    Bug Aint as if we pickin’ ’em up every week, Turn.
    Turner You know why? Cause they fear us. They fear us, Bug. That’s why.
    Bug looks out.
    Turner This whole gardenin’ thing, it dint come from Burns.
    Bug What d’you mean?
    Turner That old rope, Peel. It her idea.
    Bug Wouldn’t mind havin’