Different Senses Read Free Page A

because I’m not around.”
    “No, I won’t. Anything you
need, sarge?”
    We chatted for a couple
of minutes, but he made his excuses after that. I knew I’d made him
uncomfortable. Not as in I read his expression. I knew it.
Felt it in my head.
    My psychologist, Doctor Woy,
was less cheerful when I told her that. “I’d like to run a few
tests, Javen, just to be sure I haven’t missed something. I can
wait until you’re feeling better, if you like.”
    Missed what? “No,
do them as soon as you want. When I’m not being poked, or hauled
around the physio room, I’ve got nothing to do. You’re
worried?”
    She straightened up and smiled
at me. An act, and I wished I hadn’t been so sure of that. “Not
really. I’m being ultra cautious. Keep taking those sedatives, and
try not to worry about things. Call me if you want to talk, okay?
I’ll drop around tomorrow and we’ll run through some
questions.”
    The moment she left, I
regretted telling her the truth. What if this was something
serious? Real psychological damage, the kind of thing that would
get me marked as unfit for work? Damn it, I’d die if I had to work
as a desk jockey. Seen too many cops go down that route, become
fat, sour and narrow. I’d quit before I let that happen.
    Kirin’s visits were a mixture
of pleasure and pain for me. Pleasure because I loved him and
missed him, pain because his anxiety rubbed off on me. When he came
by that evening, that unease reverberated off my own worry, making
me snappish and impatient with my lover in a way I hated, but
couldn’t seem to stop. “Would you like me to leave?” he asked after
I’d barked at him about fidgeting.
    “No. Just sit still. I’ve got
enough to think about without worrying about you.”
    “I know that, Javen. It’s not a
lot of fun on this side of the bed either.”
    “Maybe you should find someone
to fill the gap.”
    His eyes widened. “What do you
mean?”
    “ If it’s so tedious, you
don’t have to play the attentive lover. I’d rather you went off and
had fun if you find it so boring. ” He paled. I felt like
shit for being so bloody vile. “Kirin, no. I’m sorry. Ignore me.
I’m...just all fucked up lately.”
    He patted my hand. “I know you
are, love. But we’re in this together, remember. No replacing you
with anyone,” he added, wagging his finger and making me smile. “Is
there anything I can do? More books, better music? Anything?”
    “Blowjob?”
    “Here?”
    His scandalised face made me
laugh. “Be something, wouldn’t it? In the governor’s own private
ward?”
    “ Your mother would never
speak to me again. And she’d tell my mother.”
    “Be worth it just to hear that
conversation.”
    “You’re serious.”
    “No. To tell the truth, I don’t
think I could get it up anyway. Too many drugs and wires and
things.
    “It’s not....”
    “Permanent? Don’t think so. I
haven’t actually asked.”
    “Sanity, Javen, you have to
find out! A man’s...reactions...are essential.”
    “Yeah, but there’s been a bit
more to worry about than morning wood. I’ll find out for you, so
you don’t need to pick up a toyboy for relief purposes.”
    Again he wagged his finger.
“You’re spending too much time thinking along those lines. Stop it.
It’s unhealthy.”
    “Yes, Mum.”
    “Brat.” He stood. “I should go
though. You look tired.” He brushed the hair off my forehead. “Love
you.” He bent and kissed me. “Sleep well.”
    “You too. And I’m sorry.”
    “You’re a terrible patient. Get
well and it’ll be behind us.”
    Oh, I hoped so. I really hoped
so.
    ~~~~~~~~
    “Some questions” took two hours
and left me exhausted and fretful, though nice Doctor Woy took it
as gently as possible, giving me lots of breaks and support.
    “That’s the worst of it,” she
said. “I’ll need a brain scan and some blood work done, but I hope
to have some preliminary results by tomorrow and then we can go
from there.”
    “What do you