Diary of a Provincial Lesbian Read Free

Considering his views he is always surprisingly good company at social events providing there is an endless source of alcohol.
    I cooked sea bass, bought locally, with parsley sauce. Noticed Deirdre and Martin weren’t too keen and had a sudden recollection of Deirdre telling me on January the firstthat their new year’s resolution was to start the Atkins Diet but it was to be top secret till they were ready to amaze their friends by their astonishing weight loss. Caught Deirdre’s eye and instantly knew that they’d eaten their usual steak and salad before they’d come out. Deirdre knew I knew and looked defensive, which meant her blue eyes got watery.
    Was it a good evening? I think so. Martin told a funny story about Mussolini who is one of his heroes. Martin’s heroes aren’t everyone’s heroes. Fortunately he does draw the line at Hitler. Then Nic and Simone did an hour on their upvc windows and Laura gave a demonstration of how to correctly dance the tango using the broom for a partner. Returned it to the cupboard saying, ‘You haven’t half got a lot of cleaning equipment in there. All Pam’s got is a brush and pan.’
    Deirdre looked appalled. ‘What about a hoover? We couldn’t live without our Dyson, could we Martin?’
    ‘Indeed we couldn’t.’
    This was meant to be humorously sarcastic as its touch and go whether Martin even knows where the Dyson lives. Or perhaps he thinks that’s the name of the person who irons his shirts. Dyson, when you hang my shirts up, could you colour match them to my fresh underpants?
    ‘Pam’s got floor boards. She just brushes the bits into the cracks between,’ Laura said blithely, checking her jaw line in the mirror over the fireplace.
    ‘Eeugh!’ Deirdre resolves never to visit Laura and Pam’s flat were she to be invited.
    Georgie says, ‘Is this talk about cleaning very interesting? Margaret, the music’s stopped. Put something lively on.’
    Riffle through our collection of CD’s. Consider putting on the late Kathleen Ferrier warbling, What is life to me without thee, what is life if thou art dead? Instead find Emmylou Harris who everyone except Deirdre, who hates music, will like.
    True to form Deirdre first asks for the music to be turned down, then appeals plaintively, ‘Haven’t you got any background music? Must there always be singing? What happened to good old peace and quiet?’
    Georgie, Martin, and Nic retire to the front room to talk about work. Georgie designs lighting systems for the leisure industry as in clubs and casinos, Martin designs music systems for a similar market, Nic took a course in home electrics, so they have much to discuss. Which leaves me, Simone, Deirdre and Laura. For five minutes conversation is sporadic and then we hit on why can’t Laura be satisfied with any of her girlfriends. This pleases Laura who loves the opportunity to talk about herself, pleases Simone who likes hearing about trials, tribulations or serious illness, pleases Deirdre as she loves giving advice, pleases me because I can relax and stop worrying that the evening has been a failure and it is probably my fault.
     
    Later, as we’re getting ready for bed, Georgie reveals that she can take or leave Deirdre and Laura.
    ‘They’re self satisfied and empty headed,’ she says.
    I don’t immediately defend my friends because yes, they are both the above but also funny, affectionate and resourceful. As usual say nothing. No, actually I say, ‘You may be right,’ but pull my face into an unattractive apologetic grimace. Which seems as if I’m apologizing to Georgie for the quality of my friends. I should be apologizing to Deirdre and Laura.
    Snuggled up in bed with the light out I say, ‘What about Martin?’
    Georgie makes an irritable movement of her shoulders. ‘He’s all right. At least he has something sensible to say.’
    Georgie falls asleep while I am still trying to remember one sensible thing I’ve said that evening.
     
     
    Jan 19