Desolate (Desolation) Read Free

man. For Desi, it’s action over words, every time.
    “Just go do what you need to do, princess.” How did James suddenly get to be in charge? “And we’ll have your back.”
    “Agreed.” Longinus’ voice was like a deep rumble that swept across the room.
    I ignored him and stared at James. This guy who I’d wanted so badly before. So much that I was willing to crush the spirit of an innocent boy for another kiss from James. So much that I’d tried to push Michael out of my mind for one thoughtless, meaningless encounter with James.
    So much that I’d missed what a good friend he was.
    Thank the stars I’d figured out that last part before I’d lost him forever.
    “When will you go?” Cornelius asked.
    I pushed away from the wall and walked to the door. “Tonight.” Putting my hand on the doorknob, I waited. But no one responded, no one made the effort to detain me or convince me of another course of action. And even if they had, it wouldn’t have made any difference.
    I pulled the door open and walked out.
    The meetings always ended this way. I arrived alone, I left alone. It was better for me this way. Easier. In the twilight, the sun hung low way out in the ocean and there was the hint of autumn in the California air. I loved this time of night, after school, but before evening mass—I had the cemetery to myself.
    Tonight the darkness hung over the cemetery like a thick, wet blanket. No stars. No moon. Even my footsteps on the sidewalk made no sound at all. It reminded me of Hell. Of how all the sound got sucked away there, how everything got sucked away into nothingness.
    I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and held my breath, listening. When I heard the leaves rustle in the slight breeze, and the distant wail of a siren somewhere down in the valley, my breath whooshed out along with some of the tension. Hell wasn’t here.
    I stopped in the usual place, with its memories of whispered belonging and hopeful kisses. The place that tore my heart right out of my chest. The cherubic angel welcomed me, his praying hands seeming to hold all my hopes and dreams between them. I traced my fingertips over the back of one pudgy stone hand before sitting on the bench directly across from the statue.
    I closed my eyes and sought the memories that stung like ice against my heart—the memories that meant everything to me. I relished every one of those frost-cold bites, because each of them represented love. The love I’d had. The love I’d lost.
    Michael .
    Well, not lost so much as betrayed. Because of me, Michael had been cursed with an eternity in Hell—a place in utter opposition to everything that defined him. Where he was golden, Hell was shadows. Where he was Gardian, a warrior of Asgard, Hell was populated with demons—those very souls Michael had helped to banish from our eternal home. Where Michael had chosen loyalty to the rule of Asgard and the right of all Gardians to Ascension, Loki, my father, stood against all of those things. And Father would stop at nothing to crush him, to rid Michael of his goodness.
    Just like he’d done with me.
    A whisper of thought crossed my mind. But look where you are, baby. Look what you’ve done . I looked up into the starless sky, but I knew I wouldn’t see Lucy there. It wasn’t actually her speaking in my mind—not this time, anyway. I’d gotten really good at channeling her when I felt most alone.
    Lucy would be all about hope. She wouldn’t want me to give up on Michael, but to hope for—to plan for—the day when he would return. Hope isn’t just wishing , she’d say. It’s all about the action, baby. Believe it. Live it. That’s how you make your dreams come true .
    Of course, Lucy’d been a glorified prostitute who died at the hands of a very bad man, so maybe she wasn’t the best person to take life advice from.
    I hated myself for thinking that—Lucy’d been the first person to love me, to teach me how to open my heart to the goodness in