That was all sheâd had to say.
His excitement dimmed, followed by his relief when heâd continued talking and sheâd continued answering him. But by the time heâd ended the sessionâan hour later than usualâunease threaded through his curiosity. Heâd already been jotting notes when she rose from her chair to leave.
Sheâd stopped long enough to ask, âWhat does âcomplete lack of affectâ mean?â
His pencil lead snapped. Heâd looked up from his notebook, his face carefully blank and his emotions an indistinguishable riot. âWhy do you ask?â
âBecause youâve written it about me in your notes.â
It was one of the few phrases heâd scribbled that hadnât been followed by a question mark. Another had been âsource amnesia,â but heâd explained that while theyâd been talking: It meant her procedural memory and factual knowledge remained, though sheâd no recollection of how or when sheâd learned them.
âAh.â His gray eyebrows had lifted into an open expression. A friendly smile shaped his mouth. âA lack of affect simply means that someone doesnât display a marked emotional reaction . . . or empathy for others.â
His conflicting feelings and facial expressions suggested that he assumed Ash would be disturbed by that explanation, and that he was trying to soften its delivery.
She wasnât disturbed. Sheâd already known that she didnât feel anything like the emotions she regularly sensed in other people. Nodding, sheâd turned to go.
âAsh . . .â When sheâd glanced back at Dr. Cawthorne, he wore a puzzled frown. âHow did you know what Iâd written? My notepad was angled away from you.â
âYes. But it reflected in the glass.â
Sheâd pointed to the framed diplomas hanging on the wall behind him. Heâd looked around; when heâd turned back to Ash, his smile had been bright. Heâd said something about her cleverness, but sheâd tasted his sour fear.
The reaction of the nurses and caregivers had echoed his: excitement followed by unease, and punctuated with spurts of fear. They began calling her Ash, but when they spoke together in other rooms and thought she couldnât hear them, they referred to her as âthe American,â as if trying to put distance between themselves and her. Ash paid closer attention to the actors on television after that, particularly the never-ending soap operas. Mimicking those accents upset the nurses more, however. Only after sheâd overheard two of them discussing how unsettling they found her tendency to watch everyone without evincing any emotion, Ash had finally understood that her American origin had never been the issue. It was her lack of affect that disturbed them.
âEven psychopaths learn to fake it,â one of them had said.
But Ash didnât care enough to fake her emotions, and by the time sheâd decided to leave Nightingale House, the nurses didnât even refer to her as âthe Americanâ anymore. Sheâd become âthat one.â
That one, whoâd caused an uproar of hilarity and shock when her clothes had vanished during a group therapy sessionâfollowed by greater shock and fear when, after Ash had noticed her nudity, jeans and a T-shirt that the nurses hadnât seen before simply appeared on her body. That one, whose blond hairâwhich the nurses had kept short for easy careâhad grown to the middle of her back during a walk through the garden one August afternoon. That one, whoâd pulled a prank with glowing eyes, and terrified one of the nurses so badly that sheâd quit her position the next day. That one, whom the nurses had found crouching atop the roof of Nightingale House one morning, and whoâd given no believable explanation of how sheâd climbed the turrets. That one, whoâd dropped from