note? Come on, you know
Josephine. There’s no chance at all she would commit suicide like
that, even if she was thinking about it, which I still don’t
believe.”
“How can you know that, Joseph?
We don’t know everything about her.”
“Maybe not everything, but
nearly everything. I shared my whole life with her these past few
years, everything. You knew her for even longer, didn’t you? Don’t
you think it’s strange for her to have done that? Honestly?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. And you owe it to
her to at least question it.”
“Look, Josie was always
complicated, and strange. That’s why I loved her. To be honest,
yes, I can imagine her committing suicide. There was a lot about
her we didn’t know, a lot that you didn’t know. Let’s leave it at
that. I really have to go. I’m already late. Sorry Joseph.”
She stood up. I rose with her
and grabbed her arm.
“What do you mean: a lot that I
didn’t know?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“Joseph! Let me go!”
I held her tightly, willing her
to divulge what it was I didn’t know. I stared into her frightened
brown eyes, searching for some clue in them. She froze, mouth
gaping. I realised what I was doing, let her go, and collapsed into
my chair.
“I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck?! You’re insane,
Joseph! Seriously! Look at my arm!”
“I wasn’t going to hurt
you.”
“You already did!”
I looked up at her.
“Sorry.”
She stared at me with a red
anger in her eyes, then slapped me hard across the cheek.
“Get out, Joseph.”
Chapter 2
It is in the nature of men to
seek out patterns and meaning within the random chaos of their
surroundings during times of struggle. Faced with the seemingly
infinite forest and its wildly overbearing and complex shapes;
without any indication of direction or human influence, Edward
resorted to that irrational logic. A variation in a bark pattern
was enough to cause him to change direction; a snapped twig
heightened his anticipation. He stumbled through the untamed growth
with nothing but these self-made prophecies.
“What are you reading?” Vicky
said, bounding into the room with some plastic contraption under
her arm.
“Homework.”
I put the pages down and watched
her flick latches and click pieces onto the device, turning it into
some kind of purple mini-laboratory. Within seconds, boxes, tubes,
and other junk were sprawled out around her on the living room
floor.
“What’s that, Vee?”
“It’s a sweet making factory.
I’m gonna make sour blueberries. I wanted to make peach but I’ve
run out. Come and help me.”
“Not now.”
Vicky stopped pouring some
purple liquid into a container and looked at me, then the papers in
my hand.
“Are you upset? Is that one of
Josie’s stories?”
“Yeah.”
“When is she going to take me to
the zoo? She promised.”
I rubbed my eyes, unable to look
at the sad expression I knew she was wearing. She didn’t know. No
moment had seemed like the right one to tell her. Now, it almost
seemed too late. I thought about not telling her at all, perhaps a
smart lie would save her a lot of pain. They had been close,
despite my attempts to keep a distance between them in the
beginning. I hadn’t wanted Vicky to get jealous, or see Josie as
competition. They were too similar to keep apart though; stubborn,
imaginative, and smart. At times it had even seemed that Josie
understood Vicky better than I did.
“Is something wrong?”
Realising I was still rubbing my
face I pulled my hand away. She stared through me with twitching
green eyes. She would have seen through any lie, and she would
never let me get away with avoiding the question. I wasn’t a bad
liar, but I knew when I was beat. Once again she reminded me of
Josie.
“Come here,” I said, and Vicky
spread herself beside me on the couch, her head on my lap. It was
at moments like this, more than any other, that I felt the lack of
an arm. I reached over my left to