Dare Me Read Free

squad together.
    She was born to it, and we never thought of cheer any other way.
    Sometimes I think captain is the only reason Beth even comes to school, bothers with any of us, anything at all.
    “I just don’t see any need for a captain. I don’t see what it’s gotten you,” Coach says, glance passing over Beth. “But thank you for your service, Cassidy.”
    Hand me your badge, your gun.
    Everyone pads their sneakers anxiously, and RiRi peers dramatically at Beth, arching her whole back to see her reaction.
    But Beth gives no reaction.
    Beth doesn’t seem to care at all.
    Doesn’t even care enough to yawn.
     
    “I was sure it’d be bad,” whispers Emily to me, doing jump squats in the locker room later. “Like when she got mad at that math sub and keyed his car.”
    But, knowing Beth, I figure it will be some time before we see her true response.
    “What’ll cheer be like now?” wonders Emily, lunging breathlessly, paring that body down to size. Fixing it. “What does it mean?”
    What it means, we soon see, is no more hours whiled away talking about the lemonade diet and who had an abortion during summer break.
    Coach has no interest in that, of course. She tells us we’d best get our act together.
    End of that first week, new regime, our legs are loose and soft, our bodies flopping. Our moves less than tight. She says we look sloppy and juvenile, like Disney tweensters on a parade float. She is right.
    And so it’s bleacher sprints for us.
    Oh, to know such pain. Hammering up and down those bleacher steps to the pulse of her endless whistle. Twenty-one high steps and forty-three smaller steps. Again, again, again.
    We can feel it in our shins the next day.
    Our spines.
    We can feel it everywhere.
    Stairwell to hell, we call it, which Beth says is just bad poetry.
    By Saturday practice, though, we’re already—some of us—starting to look forward to that pain, which feels like something real.
    And we know we will get a lot better fast, and no injuries either because we’re running a tight routine.

4
    WEEK TWO
    The bleacher sprints are punishing, and I feel my whole body shuddering — pound-pound-pound— my teeth rattling, it is almost ecstatic— pound-pound-pound, pound-pound-pound— I feel almost like I might die from the booming pain of it —pound— I feel like my body might blow to pieces, and we go, go, go. I never want it to stop.
    So different from before, all those days we spent our time nail painting and temp tattooing, waiting always for Cap’n Beth, who would show ten minutes before game time after smoking a joint with Todd Grinnell or gargling with peppermint schnapps behind her locker door and still dazzle us all by rocketing atop Mindy’s and Cori’s shoulders, stretching herself into an Arabesque.
    Back then, we could hardly care, our moves so sloppy and weak. We’d just streak ourselves with glitter and straddle jump and shake our asses to Kanye. Everybody loved us. They knew we were sexy beyotches. It was enough.
    Cheerutantes, that’s what they called us, the teachers.
    Cheerlebrities, that’s what we called ourselves.
    We spent our seasons prowling, a flocked flock, our ponytails the same length, our matching nfinity trainers, everything synchronous, eyelids gold-flecked, and no one could touch us.
    But there was a sloth in it, I see now. A wayward itch, and sometimes even I would look at the other kids who filled the classrooms, the debaters and yearbook snappers and thick-legged girl-letes and the band girls swinging their battered violin cases, and wonder what it felt like to care so much.
    Everything is different now.
     
    Beth is tugging at her straw, the squeaking grating on me.
    I should be home, drawing parabolas, and instead I’m in Beth’s car, Beth needing to get out of the house, to stop hearing her mother’s silky robe shushing down the hallway.
    Beth and her mother, a pair of impalas, horns locked since Beth first started speaking, offered up her first