Jake," I said. "There is no doubt in my mind about that. He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s smart. He does everything for me. He gets me whatever I want and always tries his best to make me happy.”
“Oh my God!” said Dan. “You don’t love him. I can see it in your eyes. You don’t love him. Oh my fucking God.”
"I didn't say that."
"No, but I can tell. I'm very intuitive. What are you going to do?"
"What do you think I should do?"
"Whatever you want to do."
"Oh, fuck it Dan, just tell me what to do."
"I can't tell you what to do. Only you can do that."
I took another sip of my coffee and watched the earthy-crunchy urban culture of Davis Square as it drifted by the window. A girl with a backpack in a long red winter coat and white wool hat with a pom-pom. An old Indian man in a blue turban and dark overcoat. A striking tall black kid in a shiny designer ski jacket over a bright green sweater.
"I don't know," I said. "Sometimes I just wish someone, once in my life would say, 'Meghan, do this. I command you.'"
I felt a little spark. My fingers twitched.
"I'm going to say yes," I said. "Of course I am. What else would I do? This is what I've always wanted. The whole package. And Jake is the whole package."
Dan just stared at me, eyes wide open and arms crossed.
“So how’s it going with the new girl?" I said. "What's her name again?”
"Unbelievable," he said. "Nikki. We've only been on two dates, but I think she's the one."
"You say that every single time."
"Yeah, but this time I think I really mean it. She's got something... special."
"Do you have a picture of her?"
"Yes."
He scrolled through his pics and turned his cell phone screen toward me. The most amazing green-eyed half-Latina/half-Asian girl looked back at me.
“Fuck, Dan! She's gorgeous. She looks a little like Rihanna."
“I know!”
“Such amazing eyes. Hypnotizing. Have you... you know?”
“Close, but no. She got kind of freaked out when I started putting the moves on her. But she's coming over for dinner tonight. I'm going to make that Thai dish that you loved so much."
“She'll fuck you after that for sure.”
Dan grinned. I looked at my watch.
"Shit, I've got to get to class," I said. I put the lid on my coffee cup. "You have to text me once you've done the deed. Four-star rating system."
"Yes, and you have to think about what you really want before you say yes."
I nodded.
The route to my class from the coffee shop took me past the vestibule with the bulletin board. Don't look at it today, I told myself. Just keep your head down.
As I walked, a pang of something annoying hit me. At first, I couldn't figure out what it was. Then, I recognized it. I'm actually jealous of Dan.
He's always been looking for a regular girlfriend. Most guys want to sleep with a thousand girls, but all Dan has ever wanted is a normal average relationship.
So what am I jealous of? Isn't that what I've always wanted too?
I glanced to my right and there it was. Fuck, I promised myself I wouldn't look!
Today, nearly half of the tear-offs were gone. I walked up to it and counted. Six! Six women are calling this anonymous ad for submission training. Six!
While I tried to convince myself that I was horrified at the large turnout, in reality I was afraid that he... whoever he is... may have found his perfect student. And if he did, then I lost my chance. I couldn't let that happen.
Chance for what? Meghan, what the fuck are you thinking?
With my left hand on the purple box in my left jacket pocket, my right hand involuntarily ripped off the seventh phone number to go missing from the advertisement and put it in my right jacket pocket.
I took a deep breath and walked to class.
Chapter 4
My puffy white winter jacket felt heavy as I drove to the rehabilitation center to visit my dad. In one pocket a wedding ring was burning a hole. In the other a very different kind of hole was burning.
My dad had been in a car accident six weeks ago, breaking
“Oh my God!” said Dan. “You don’t love him. I can see it in your eyes. You don’t love him. Oh my fucking God.”
"I didn't say that."
"No, but I can tell. I'm very intuitive. What are you going to do?"
"What do you think I should do?"
"Whatever you want to do."
"Oh, fuck it Dan, just tell me what to do."
"I can't tell you what to do. Only you can do that."
I took another sip of my coffee and watched the earthy-crunchy urban culture of Davis Square as it drifted by the window. A girl with a backpack in a long red winter coat and white wool hat with a pom-pom. An old Indian man in a blue turban and dark overcoat. A striking tall black kid in a shiny designer ski jacket over a bright green sweater.
"I don't know," I said. "Sometimes I just wish someone, once in my life would say, 'Meghan, do this. I command you.'"
I felt a little spark. My fingers twitched.
"I'm going to say yes," I said. "Of course I am. What else would I do? This is what I've always wanted. The whole package. And Jake is the whole package."
Dan just stared at me, eyes wide open and arms crossed.
“So how’s it going with the new girl?" I said. "What's her name again?”
"Unbelievable," he said. "Nikki. We've only been on two dates, but I think she's the one."
"You say that every single time."
"Yeah, but this time I think I really mean it. She's got something... special."
"Do you have a picture of her?"
"Yes."
He scrolled through his pics and turned his cell phone screen toward me. The most amazing green-eyed half-Latina/half-Asian girl looked back at me.
“Fuck, Dan! She's gorgeous. She looks a little like Rihanna."
“I know!”
“Such amazing eyes. Hypnotizing. Have you... you know?”
“Close, but no. She got kind of freaked out when I started putting the moves on her. But she's coming over for dinner tonight. I'm going to make that Thai dish that you loved so much."
“She'll fuck you after that for sure.”
Dan grinned. I looked at my watch.
"Shit, I've got to get to class," I said. I put the lid on my coffee cup. "You have to text me once you've done the deed. Four-star rating system."
"Yes, and you have to think about what you really want before you say yes."
I nodded.
The route to my class from the coffee shop took me past the vestibule with the bulletin board. Don't look at it today, I told myself. Just keep your head down.
As I walked, a pang of something annoying hit me. At first, I couldn't figure out what it was. Then, I recognized it. I'm actually jealous of Dan.
He's always been looking for a regular girlfriend. Most guys want to sleep with a thousand girls, but all Dan has ever wanted is a normal average relationship.
So what am I jealous of? Isn't that what I've always wanted too?
I glanced to my right and there it was. Fuck, I promised myself I wouldn't look!
Today, nearly half of the tear-offs were gone. I walked up to it and counted. Six! Six women are calling this anonymous ad for submission training. Six!
While I tried to convince myself that I was horrified at the large turnout, in reality I was afraid that he... whoever he is... may have found his perfect student. And if he did, then I lost my chance. I couldn't let that happen.
Chance for what? Meghan, what the fuck are you thinking?
With my left hand on the purple box in my left jacket pocket, my right hand involuntarily ripped off the seventh phone number to go missing from the advertisement and put it in my right jacket pocket.
I took a deep breath and walked to class.
Chapter 4
My puffy white winter jacket felt heavy as I drove to the rehabilitation center to visit my dad. In one pocket a wedding ring was burning a hole. In the other a very different kind of hole was burning.
My dad had been in a car accident six weeks ago, breaking
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