CLANK: A Book of Madness (Psychological Satire Novel) Unsettled Office Worker Loses the Last Screw Read Free Page A

murder for a reason as asinine as that. His story
is a bit more lurid than I like. It’s more sensationalistic, less intriguing. I
prefer reading about methodical murders. The kind that puzzles the police and
even goes unsolved. The perpetrators plan the slayings with such meticulousness
and punctiliousness that it boggles the mind.
    The murderers or murderesses
are of high intelligence. You’d have to be. How many goons do you see getting
away with the perfect murder? Not many. Unless they luck into a favorable
circumstance and have Stewey the country bumpkin sheriff as the sole detective.
Otherwise it requires a sharp mind to concoct the perfect murder. You must
leave no trace. Or if you do leave a trace, make it appear to be pointing at
someone else. A diversion. A framing. A setup. In my opinion it’s best to avoid
that all together and simply circumvent suspicion. Leave no traces.
    You’ll find those killings are
a rarity. Most murders are done madcap and slapdash. Hasty, you know. Some loon
comes home and finds his wife with another man. He snaps and shoots the
ruffian. A redneck cuts off some gang member on his way into town. The ruffian
follows the redneck, pulls up alongside his car and puts two rounds into the
toothless moron. A disgruntled cashier received one too many miswritten checks
and blew his top, along with the elderly woman’s head who tried to pay for her
groceries with it. Some persnickety boss passes over a faithful employee on a
promotion. The employee shows up to work the next day with a sawed-off shotgun
and sends his boss flying through the third story window with a hole in his
chest. A man insults his wife’s cooking. She prepares him a special dish laced
with poison and he winds up dead, falling face first into a plate of mashed
potatoes.
    Murders such as those.
Unplanned, hurried, impetuous.
    Any goon of low intelligence
can commit those murders. It takes a true virtuoso to execute the
perfect murder. Jack the Ripper. The Zodiac. Those guys were good. Not that I
condone their behavior. I simply use good here in the sense that they
performed untraceable, unsolved crimes. And that’s how it should be done.
Either do it right or not at all.
     
    Back to my crime stories. I
rather enjoy being frightened. Aside from preventing me from sleeping at night,
that is. But I do take pleasure in the suspense and mystery. In fact I could
tell you, right now, how to commit the perfect murder in a dozen ways or more.
However, I myself could never carry out such a heinous crime. I’m afraid my
docile nature is far too squeamish.
    Here I now find myself lying
in bed, terrified. My eyes are glued open. I’m listening for the slightest
sound of a break-in. Will I be killed in my sleep like so many of the victims
in my crime stories? I hope not. And what are the chances of it occurring?
Pretty good!
    So far no one has actually
broken into my home. But that doesn’t rule out of the possibility of it
happening. And I’m no less comforted by that fact. According to statistics 1 in
5 homes will experience a home invasion. That gives me a 20% chance of being
chosen! Another strike against me is that I live in a secluded, quiet
neighborhood. The type of a place a burglar dreams about. There are no vantage
points to see from. Hardly anyone can see their neighbor’s doors. Each of my
doors has three deadbolts and one standard knob lock. My windows are doubled
pained and secured with custom locking devices.
    But there is my skylight… I’ve
never gotten around to fixing that blasted thing. There’s only one flimsy latch
keeping it shut. A burglar could flip that baby open in a matter of seconds.
Then he’d lower himself down into my kitchen, grab a butcher knife from the
drawer and come stick it in me while I slept. A slow gutting is in store for
me…
    There are roughly 6,000
unsolved homicides a year in the U.S.A. alone.
    Murder is on the rise and I
fear my time may be arriving shortly. These are the kinds of