Choices(Waiting for Forever BK 1) Read Free Page B

to the state. I mean, who wanted a perverted freak in the next bedroom?
    “Brian, I’ve noticed that you have been fairly distracted the last few classes. You seem upset about something,” he started, sitting down across from me. He folded his arms delicately on the worn and scored wooden table. I could feel his eyes on my face. “Is everything all right at home?”
    “Yeah,” I said quietly, only it came out more like a croak than an actual word. Why is he dragging this out? Can’t he just get on with it? My life is going to be ruined now; doesn’t he have the decency to make my end swift? It was like he was trying to perform surgery with a dull, rusty scalpel.
    “Brian, unless someone is physically hurting you, which I don’t think is the case, anything that you tell me will stay between us,” he reassured gently. Finally, I raised my head.
    “It’s not…. No one is hurting me,” I started hesitantly. “I just…. I can’t talk about it.” I really wanted to talk to someone, anyone, who could help me not feel so scared all the time. But I was afraid once I said it out loud, it would be true. It would be real. I would be gay, and my secret would be known by everyone. My friends, the other kids at school, the Schreibers… Jamie. They would all know.
    “Does it have anything to do with Jamie Mayfield?” My eyes shot up to meet his, and I saw they were solemn; his normally impassive face had softened. “I noticed that you two were distant today. Usually you’re two peas in a pod,” he mused, and I blanched. If he’s noticed what Jamie means to me, will other people notice too, or is it just because he’s gay? I couldn’t drag Jamie down with me in this. His parents were such zealots about their religion, they would never forgive him. Shaking my head violently, I tried to quell the panic rolling in my stomach.
    “I know I’m a teacher, but I might just understand,” he offered, patting my arm as he stood. “If you change your mind, my door is always open. Please, come and see me any time, okay?” Nodding as I grabbed my bag, I practically ran from the room. I had debated about just telling him, just saying the words. All I had to say was that I thought I might be gay, but the fear of saying it out loud, making it tangible, pushed me out the door without looking back.
     
     
    F OR the rest of the week, I did my best to appear normal. I went to all my classes, spent time in the cafeteria at lunch, and tried to be actively engaged in conversations with our friends. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to suspect there was something bothering me—or more to the point, something wrong with me. I’d been scared of how I felt for years, but now that my feelings for Jamie had been more clearly defined, and labeled as evil, it was all I could think about. Only Jamie had really figured out I was having some kind of problem. I caught him watching me a few times—in class, at lunch with our friends, and at our lockers. I made a point of not being alone with him. If we weren’t alone, he couldn’t corner me to ask what was wrong. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it up forever, but it was all going fairly smoothly—until Friday afternoon.
    Gym had never been my favorite class, but I tolerated it because it wasn’t exactly optional. I didn’t mind the physical exertion or the games we played; it was the drill sergeant they called a teacher. That Coach Williams was recently back from his overseas deployment didn’t make me crazy; it was the fact that he worked us like we were storming the beaches at Normandy rather than just trying to earn high school credit. However, lately gym had become almost physical torture. Being in the showers, naked near Jamie, it was all I could do to think of multiplication tables to stop myself from getting hard. I had to force myself not to watch as he used his bare hands to lather up his skin. Those were images to feed the fantasies I would have later at night as I lay