Checkout Read Free Page A

two weeks in advance, three weeks in advance if the person who creates the rota is particularly zealous, or twenty-four hours in advance if a lot of cashiers are away.
    Six hours fifteen minutes is the maximum number of hours you can work on the till without a break (in theory, although some employment contracts contravene this).
    You’re entitled to three break minutes per hour worked, so if you want eighteen minutes to eat, you need to have worked at least six hours. You can forget about nice hot meals.
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    So there you have it. That’s your dream job … is it all you hoped for? You have the supermarkets to thank for that.

‘HANG ON A MINUTE, I’M AT THE CHECKOUT!’
    Ah, mobile phones. What a marvellous invention. It’s just incredible all the things they can do: play music, show TV, send emails, follow the stock market … Incidentally they also enable us to make calls when and where we want. But that’s not all mobile phones can do. Some can even make a man (or a woman) invisible – and it’s not only the most expensive models that can do it. The fact that checkout girls are pretty invisible anyway, helps with this trick.
    C USTOMER ( on the phone, talking loudly as if he were on his own at home )
    But I’m already at the till! Couldn’t you have told me earlier that you wanted bananas?
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    C HECKOUT GIRL ( very loudly to remind him that he is at the till and not at home )
    Hello!
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    C USTOMER ( apparently he still thinks he’s at home )
    Go out tonight? Are you feeling better then?
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    C HECKOUT GIRL ( who has worked fast so that he soon will be at home )
    Â£13.50 please.
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    C USTOMER ( collecting his shopping with one hand and not moving fast at all )
    I’m sure it’s a stomach bug. I hope you haven’t given it to me. I don’t want to spend all night on the loo.
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    C HECKOUT GIRL ( getting up from her chair, clearing her throat, and speaking very loudly indeed )
    Â£13.50 please!
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    C USTOMER ( with a quick glance at the checkout girl but continuing calmly to collect his shopping )
    â€¦ you’re the one who never listens to me. You should wash your hands every time you go out.
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    C HECKOUT GIRL ( clenching her fists and speaking really, really loudly )
    Do you have a loyalty card?
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    C USTOMER ( inserting his bank card into the machine without glancing up )
    â€¦ I get it, I’m not deaf. You’re so grumpy whenyou’re ill.
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    The customer grabs the receipt from the checkoutgirl’s hand as if she were a ticket machine.
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    C USTOMER ( moving away with his shopping, still on the phone and still talking loudly )
    â€¦ It’s a good thing everyone’s not like you.
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    C HECKOUT GIRL ( really loudly but only in her head )
    And it’s a good thing everyone’s not like you. What an idiot!
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    And she decides not to bother with a goodbye. Every small victory counts.
    Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You’ve just had an unforgettable experience – for a few minutes you have been completely invisible. And look on the bright side;you might get to experience the same thing again but with a subtle difference.
    C USTOMER ( on the phone )
    Blah blah blah …
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    C HECKOUT GIRL
    Hello!
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    C USTOMER ( looking at the checkout girl )
    Hello. ( And eyes immediately focusing elsewhere ) So,as I was saying … blah blah blah …
    I’m not exaggerating.
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    But there really is a reason to look on the bright side. It’s not impossible that you will come across this rare specimen:
    C USTOMER ( on the phone )
    I’ll call you back, I’m at the till.
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    The customer hangs up and puts his phone away.
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    C HECKOUT GIRL ( with a really big, sincere smile )
    Hello!
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    C USTOMER ( returning her smile )
    Hello!
    Isn’t life great? Well yes, but don’t get carried away. That kind of customer is very, very, very rare. People who have