Bride of Desire Read Free Page B

afterwards.
     
      And, in spite of all the assiduous attention he’d paid her, she hadn’t been altogether convinced that his heart was in it. He might, in fact, have been behaving as he was expected to do.
     
      At the beginning of their relationship he’d made a couple of serious attempts at seduction, which Allie had fended off just as seriously. He hadn’t repelled her physically—but nor had he stirred her blood to the point of surrender. His kisses had never made her long for more. But she’d been aware that could have been due to an element of emotional reserve within herself, which, in turn, gave her an aura of coolness that some men might find a challenge.
     
      At any rate, she’d known that giving herself in the ultimate intimacy would have implied a level of commitment that she had simply not been prepared for. Or not with Hugo Marchington—not yet. Although she had supposed that might change eventually.
     
      In view of her lukewarm attitude, she’d been genuinely surprised when, instead of writing her off as a lost cause sexually, and looking for a more willing partner, he’d continued to ask her out.
     
      I wonder, she’d thought, if his mother’s told him it’s time he settled down, and I’m handy and reasonably presentable, but not so devastating that I’ll ever outshine him.
     
      Having met Lady Marchington, she had quite believed it. She had also believed that she genuinely ticked enough of the right boxes to be acceptable. And her mother’s Knightsbridge address would have raised no eyebrows either.
     
      All the same, in her lunch hours at the private library where she’d worked as an assistant, she had found herself scanning the job columns for work that would take her away from London .
     
      Maybe I should have obeyed my instincts and moved. Even gone back to college, perhaps, and improved my qualifications. And somehow persuaded my mother that it would be a good thing.
     
      But if I had there would have been no Tom, and, in spite of everything, the thought of him not being here—never having been born—is too awful to contemplate.
     
      Allie brought her restless wanderings to a halt, and gazed around her, assimilating once again the full baroque splendours of theFountain Court .
     
      I love it, she told herself wryly. But I don’t belong here. I never did. The Hall is not my home, but it has to be Tom’s. Some good has to come out of all this unhappiness.
     
      He belongs here. I made that decision, and I have to remain for his sake.
     
      But I have to find something to do with my own life. I’m edgy all the time because I feel confined at the Hall—claustrophobic. I have no actual role to play, so I spend my days just—hanging around. It’s boring, and it’s not healthy either.
     
      And I won’t think of the life I might have had if I’d done as Tante Madelon begged and stayed in Brittany , because that was never an actual possibility—always just a dream. And a dangerous dream at that.
     
      Because, once again, she realised, there was a sound echoing in her head—the sure, steady beat of a horse’s hooves coming behind her, just as she’d heard them so many times over the past months, sleeping and waking. Following her—getting closer all the time.
     
      She said aloud, ‘It’s just my imagination playing tricks, nothing else. Imagination—and more guilt.’
     
      She went slowly back to her bench, her great-aunt’s letter like a lead weight in her pocket, and sat down. Although all she really wanted to do was put her hands over her ears and run.
     
      But I’ve already done that—twice, she thought, her throat closing. And now, God help me, I have to live with the consequences.
     
      All of them…
     
      And if that means facing up to my memories, and exorcising them for ever, then so be it.
     
      CHAPTER TWO
     
      SHE’Dfainted, she remembered, sliding from her chair at the breakfast table one morning under