Bream Gives Me Hiccups Read Free Page A

conversation but one of them is making fun of it and the other one is taking it seriously. It also made me feel bad for the TCBY woman because she didn’t know she was being made fun of by Mom, which is sadder than someone who does know they’re being made fun of because at least those people can fight back.
    After a few bites of the Mountain Blackberry Yogurt, I got brain freeze and it hurt really bad. Mom said that brain freeze is not a real thing and that I should stop complaining, but Matthew told me to relax and to put my tongue to the roof of my mouth and lick. He demonstrated by showing me his tongue licking the roof of his mouth and then he put my head back and told me to open my mouth. But when I opened my mouth with my head back, Mom got really frantic and said, “Jesus Christ, you two, get a room!”
    Mom ate a few bites of her yogurt, which had a lot of Butterfinger Pieces on it, but I could tell that she didn’t like it, which I kind of expected because she ordered almost all of it sarcastically. At first I felt bad for Mom that she was eating something she didn’t like, but then I realized that Mom could have gotten what me and Matthew got, which was delicious and pretty to look at. Instead, she chose to be mean and that’s why she got something disgusting.
    In a way, Matthew is a lot like TCBY. A few weeks ago, right after he changed his name from Matt to Matthew, he started calling me his best friend. I thought it was strange at first because I didn’t consider him my best friend. I liked Toddand Cara as much as I liked Matthew. But the more Matthew called me his best friend the more I actually felt like his best friend and the more I liked him and the less I liked Todd and Cara. So I guess Matthew is like TCBY because they both said they were the best at something even before the other person agreed. I know it sounds like Matthew and TCBY are trying to have relationships in reverse, but I like to think of everything happening together at the same time.
    Mom is the opposite of Matthew and TCBY. She never says that she’s a good mother. In fact, every time she talks about being a mother, she says excuses like, “Lord knows I wouldn’t win mother of the year,” or “God knows I’ve made my share of mistakes.” But TCBY says they’re the country’s best yogurt and Matthew says he’s my best friend, and I guess, in a way, it forces them to try harder to be the best. But Mom never says she’s the best mother so maybe she doesn’t feel any pressure to be one. Maybe she actually feels pressure to lose mother of the year or make even more mistakes.
    All I know is that I really like Mountain Blackberry Yogurt with Blueberries and Cherries and I really like Matthew. And Mom is angry and divorced from Dad and she doesn’t like Dutch Chocolate with Butterfinger Pieces even though, out of all the options, that’s the one she chose.
    I know that I want to be more like Matthew and TCBY because when you say you’re good at something it makes you try harder to be better and when you say you’re bad at something it makes you try harder to be worse. That’s why I’m giving TCBY 1954 out of 2000 stars.

ROBERT FROST ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CAFETERIA
    A weird thing happened at school today that the adults were really proud of but that the students thought was stupid. I don’t have a total opinion yet but I think it’s probably somewhere in between.
    Our school was chosen to be part of a new program called “Healthy Lunches, Healthy Choices.” In this program, famous chefs make school lunches that are supposed to be healthy but also good tasting. I know these things sound like opposites but the school is trying to say that they could be the same thing.
    The principal called an assembly before lunch and congratulated us, which seemed strange because we didn’t do anything except go to the school that got chosen by