Box Read Free

it doesn’t give me a whole lot of time to have fun.”
    “It’ll be more fun than not feelin’ me up at all. And don’t sell the kissin’ part short.”
    “How long will Deputy Dawg be on the toilet?”
    “Ten minutes, give or take.”
    “That should give us at least five minutes at the fence.”
    “It would,” she says, “and I might be so inclined, especially if you prove to be a better kisser than I’m expectin’. But there’s a criminal element in town that must be respected.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “You’ll be chaining a local girl to a fence. In the middle of the night. Feeling her up.”
    “Those are good points.”
    “So are these,” she says, indicating her breasts.
    We look at each other some more.
    “How will I get the cuffs back on his belt afterward?”
    She frowns. “I hadn’t figured you for such a worry wart.”
    She turns, and starts to walk away.
    “Wait!” I say.
    She turns around.
    “I’m in!”
    She comes back to the table.
    “It’s best we don’t do it,” she says.
    “What do you mean?”
    “It seemed like fun till you started analyzin’ it to death. This whole thing probably seems silly to you, instead of wild. You bein’ from New York City and all.”
    “On the contrary, it’s extremely wild.”
    “Tell me why.”
    “Stealing a policeman’s handcuffs while he’s taking a shit, and using them to handcuff a beautiful waitress to a fence in the middle of the night and feeling her up—”
    She points to her lips.
    “—And kissing her, for twenty seconds, then trying to figure out how to replace the handcuffs on the cop’s belt without getting caught—trust me, it’s plenty wild.”
    “Well, I wouldn’t want to twist your arm, doctor.”
    “You’re not. I’m in. I love it!”
    “You sure you’re up for it?”
    “Are you?”
    “I’m not only in…” she says.
    She leans her hip into me and whispers, “…I’m wet with anticipation.”
    “Me too,” I say to her boobs.
    She nods toward Deputy Dawg and says, “Eyes on the prize, Doctor.”
    “They are on the prize!”

4.
    Trudy Lake.
    DR. BOX COMES out of the bathroom grinnin’ like he’s stolen the Crown Jewels.
    “What took you so long?” I say.
    “I kept retching from the smell.”
    “That’s Scooter,” I say. “Let’s go.”
    “You’re bringing your purse?” he says.
    “I can’t very well leave it sittin’ there for the riff-raff.”
    We head out the back door quietly, and I lead him to the eight-foot-high fence that surrounds the dumpster.
    “Is this the only fence you’ve got?” he says, referrin’ to the smell.
    “It’s the only one close by.”
    “Why’s it so high?”
    “To keep the deer from gettin’ to the garbage.”
    “The light from the back door makes us easy to see.”
    “That’s why we’re only gonna be here twenty seconds.”
    “Makes sense,” he says.
    I put my back against the fence and say, “I can trust you, right?”
    “About what?”
    “Keepin’ your hands where I said you could.”
    “Yes.”
    “Give me your word.”
    “You have my word.”
    I unlock the cuffs, then hand him the key. Put my left wrist in one cuff and lock it. Then put both arms a foot above my head.
    “Put my right wrist in the open cuff, and hook it through the chain link before locking it,” I say.
    He does.
    Then he steps back to look at me.
    And grins.

5.
    Dr. Gideon Box.
    I’VE HANDCUFFED A beautiful waitress to a chain link fence behind a family-style restaurant in Western Kentucky. She’s offered me twenty seconds worth of kissing and breast-fondling. Above her clothes.
    But there’s nothing on earth stopping me from reaching up under her dress, pulling down her panties, and taking her right here in front of the dumpster.
    She knows it.
    I know it.
    Nothing to stop me except my promise.
    “You’re wastin’ time,” Trudy says.
    I detect a slight waver in her voice. She knows this could go south on her in a hurry. Knows I’ve got the key in my