Blood Wounds Read Free

have a better idea. Come with me to Maryland, Willa, for the dressage test. Alyssa's right about one thing. Gram's always saying what a nice girl you are. She'll listen if you tell her how I'm longing for a new horse."
    "Longing?" I said.
    Brooke laughed. "Gram likes a little drama," she replied. "Come on, Willa. Say yes. You and Terri and Gram and me for the weekend. It won't be Madrid, but it'll still be fun."
    Brooke, I knew, would be having fun, since she'd be hanging out with her riding friends. But Mom would probably appreciate having me along, since it was hard for her to socialize with Val's parents.
    "I'll ask Mom," I said.
    Brooke hugged me. "Remember," she said, "I'm longing for that new horse. I won't survive freshman year without one."
    "I'll remember," I said. "But I'll still miss Sweetbriar."
    "Well, I'm not going to miss these sweaters," Brooke said. "I'll take them downstairs now. See you in the morning. Lyss, you be nice to Willa. I need her!"
    Brooke left the room, waving the sweaters over her head. Alyssa went back to her laptop, and I tried to concentrate on my French.
    Alyssa fell asleep first. She always did, exhausted from her tennis practices, her workouts, and her running. She didn't set the alarm, but I knew she'd wake up around five. She liked to jog for an hour before school. Maybe she'd get her homework done, and maybe not.
    I lay in bed. I usually had trouble falling asleep. That night, like most others, I tried to synchronize my breathing with Alyssa's. Sometimes that worked. That night it didn't.
    I was still awake when Jack and Mom came upstairs. I heard them knock softly on Brooke's door and whisper good night to her. They peeked in on Alyssa and me. I pretended, as I always did, to be asleep, so they wouldn't worry.
    The lights went out, first in Mom and Jack's bedroom, then in Brooke's. I was alone, as I was so many nights, surrounded by my family but alone with my thoughts.
    Everyone was asleep. I could get out of bed, leave my bedroom, walk quietly downstairs to the kitchen and then down to the basement, and go to my spot, my private spot by the furnace where I kept my razorblades and peroxide and bandages, all hidden where no one could find them.
    Only a little cut, I told myself. A quick one on my left calf. A half inch long. Just enough to get me through the night.
    Sometimes when I cut, I can't explain to myself why I need to. But that last time, five days earlier, I understood exactly what was going on.
    I'd come home from choir practice to find the house was empty. Mom had left a note saying Alyssa was at tennis practice and Brooke had needed a lift to the riding academy.
    I was glad to be alone. I had known as soon as I entered the house that I wasn't going to make it through the rest of the day without cutting.
    Mrs. Chen, the choirmaster, had assigned solos for the spring concert. To my astonishment and delight, I'd been given one.
    I thought about how excited Mom would be when I told her, and then I decided not to, to keep it secret until the concert itself. Jack loves surprises, and Mom would be thrilled, and Brooke and Alyssa would get a big kick out of it too.
    Just picturing it, the solo and how my family would react, made me happier than I could ever remember being.
    But after practice ended, Mrs. Chen drew me aside. "You know I reserve the big solos for seniors at the spring concert," she said. "But you have a very special gift, Willa. I don't think you understand how good you could be."
    "I love singing," I said. "Just being in the choir is wonderful."
    "I don't want you to think I'm pushing you," Mrs. Chen said, then laughed. "All right. Maybe I am pushing a little. But I hate to see a talent like yours go to waste. Have you thought about getting a voice coach?"
    I shook my head.
    "There are so many excellent ones in Philadelphia," she said. "Where does Brooke get her violin lessons? Locally or in Philly?"
    Brooke is first violinist for the school orchestra, so there was