Big Girls Do Cry Read Free Page B

understated way. I just hoped all this concern she was showing for me translated to her wanting to grant my wish.
    “No, really, I’m fine. I just had it to see if my uterus could support a pregnancy.”
    “And? What’d they say?”
    “It can’t. I can’t.” I felt the tears rising, but I bit my lip and held them back. I was an emotional wreck, but I didn’t want to show it in the restaurant again now that the other patrons hadfinally stopped staring. “Rashad’s sperm count is excellent. It’s me who can’t get pregnant. My womb won’t hold a baby.”
    Tammy leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. “Girl, just relax and it’ll happen. These doctors are always saying stuff like that. The next thing you know, you got crumb snatchers running around everywhere.”
    Damn, so much for my sympathetic friend. I guess she was so relieved that it wasn’t cancer that she just brushed my feelings aside. She didn’t realize how badly I wanted to have a baby—Rashad’s baby.
    “No, my doctor says the chances of me sustaining a pregnancy are slim to none. I’m barren, Tammy. I can’t have a baby.” I buried my face in my hands. “What kind of wife can’t give her husband the baby he wants so badly?”
    “Girl, you need a second opinion. I know plenty of women whose doctors said they couldn’t have babies, and they’re pushing strollers right now.”
    “You don’t understand. This is the fourth doctor we’ve talked to.”
    That made her pause. All of a sudden, she didn’t look so confident. I guess she realized that her words of encouragement were falling on deaf ears. “Damn, what’re you going to do?”
    It was now or never. I mounted the courage to ask my best friend the ultimate favor. “Actually, the question is, what do we want
you
to do, Tammy?”
    One of her eyebrows went up, and her mouth kind of hung open. I could see by her expression that she had just figured out what my favor was.
    “I know this is a lot to ask, Tammy, but will you be the surrogate for our baby?”
    Tammy’s hand flew to her heart, and she looked even more shocked now that she’d heard the words. “You need to stop playing, ‘cause I know you ain’t serious.”
    “I am serious, Tammy. Serious as a heart attack. Will you be our surrogate and have our baby for us?”
    “I told you, you need to stop, Egypt. This shit ain’t funny. You nearly gave me a heart attack for real.” She waved her handat me, then laughed. “Me having another baby. That shit is funny.”
    The fact that she could laugh at this situation was starting to piss me off. I folded my arms, locking my eyes on hers like laser beams. “Do I look like I think something is funny? I’m asking you for a favor. I want a baby.” She just didn’t understand how important this was to me.
    Tammy’s face softened. “Oh, my God. You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”
    I nodded, waving a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Yes. Never been more serious about anything in my life. Please, Tammy. You don’t know how much this would mean to me and Rashad.”
    She paused, rubbing her temples as if she suddenly had a throbbing headache. If there was ever a time I wished that I was a mind reader, this was it. I couldn’t even imagine what was going through her head or what decision she would make. All I knew was that I wanted—no, needed—her to do this for me, no matter what the cost. What I wanted was a yes, though with the way this conversation was going, I would have settled for a “let me think about it.”
    She sighed, lowering her head, then lifting it to look me in the eyes. “This isn’t any small favor you’re asking.”
    “I know that, but I’m desperate. You don’t know how much I want to have a baby of my own.”
    “Well, why don’t you adopt? There are plenty of black babies who need a good home. My friend Tina from Hollis just adopted a beautiful baby girl.” She made everything sound so simple.
    “Rashad doesn’t want