Beyond My Control: Forbidden Fantasies in an Uncensored Age Read Free Page B

for the delicious, forbidden sex we crave. We who reach for this kind of imagery in order to let go of the iron self- control that stands in the way of orgasm are wanting a cocktail that “knocks me out beyond my control!”

    F a N T a s i e s o F B o N d a g e
    “Those Ropes Are Too Tight! Thank You!” Today, many of us reach for erotic scenes that refuse to take “No!” We crave a source of power and restraint—to keep us “grounded” even as we soar. Listen to the voices in this book and hear how early these feelings begin, often from men and women who have never been abused, neglected, or abandoned. Where do the fantasies start? When we are pinned down in our crib, strapped into our high chair, our stroller, the bed where our diapers are changed, our cries for freedom are heard by a loving mother who gazes down on us, gently singing, comforting, but refusing to set us free from our restraints. Or we see an angry mother, frustrated, tormented by our pleas for help, binding us in an attempt to hold her world together. Then, there are the abusive caretakers—people who should never have or be respon- sible for children. They hit our hands to keep us from struggling for freedom, ignoring, reprimanding our cries as we, in our most helpless state, have to believe she/he loves us, that this is for our own good.
    The seeds of our domination fantasies go back to the time when we were helpless, trapped, waiting, longing for a loving
    guardian. The seeds grow, blossom in whatever direction the earth and nutrients allow. The high school bully forcing us to kiss the ground, the older brother or sister twisting our arms behind our backs, the good-hearted loving father becoming the “hungry monster” to our gleeful screams. Sometimes, we defy those oppressive years to now dominate, to be the all-powerful mother; other times, we long to go back into mother’s arms, constrained, gazed at, taken care of.
    Not long ago, domination/submission was defined by gender. A fallacy of a male-dominated world. Our biological makeup and countless experiences, nature and nurture, mold us into some degree of both. Why are so many of us inclined to fantasies of domination and submission? Often, the horrific experience of rape is followed by rape fantasies, but why are so many of the fantasies submissive, only now in control, choosing the assailant and circumstances, and others aggressive, now raping the assail- ant? To both questions, the answer is still unknown.
    We don’t like to think that small children have sexual feelings. It would require more thought, a deeper involvement in our chil- dren’s lives—as the bedrock of sexuality is being laid—when we are already overwhelmed by the duties of society and childcare.
    Wafting down from orgasm and full of gratitude, I once whis- pered to my lover, “How did you do that?” He replied, not un- kindly, “Nancy, it’s all in your head.” Thus began my awareness of my own fantasies, such as the dark stranger gazing at me, tak- ing me against my will, forcing me into ecstasy.
    I handed over to each man full credit for my rapture. Today, I am still besotted by a man who brings me to orgasmic highs, even though I know it is I who lets him in the gate and leads him up the garden path.
    In the fantasies and stories of the brave men and women in this book is a message of how very early sexual feelings—and the theme of erotic reveries—begin. Wheels inside our heads now carry us out of our tight skin, to hold us momentarily in suspense until all the doors open one by one, allowing us to let go.

    Karla
    Karla is a sixteen-year-old virgin from a liberal family. Her father is a commercial artist and her mother a head librarian. She shares with many of us the fantasy of being taken, of being irresistible.

    I am kidnapped by Justin Timberlake, who is a little obsessed with me. Justin takes me to his secluded home in Los Angeles and ties me up in the bathroom and leaves me there while he goes