mouth to tell Shannon off. She wasn’t thinking about Shannon being the most popular girl in her grade.
Shannon saw Bethany open her mouth, and immediately looked Bethany over. “What, are you going to say something? Come on, geek. Let’s hear it.”
And Bethany hadn’t been able to say anything. She’d never had a problem with talking, giving speeches or oral reports or talking to a large crowd of people until after that small incident. “Wait, let’s hear what Bethany has to say,” Shannon said in eighth grade when Bethany stood up in their English class to give an oral report on To Kill a Mockingbird . “What’s on your mind, Bethany? Come on, just say it.” That was all Shannon would have to say to make Bethany cringe inside, forget anything she might have wanted to express, and send her running away from the stares, giggles, and outright laughter of half the school.
Shannon and Nick, the king and queen of the school, kept their dictatorship by publicly humiliating people once and never letting them forget about it. For every fat, weird, too smart, too ugly, too whatever kid in their grade, Shannon and Nick knew how exactly to humiliate them. Until Shannon had muted her, Bethany was called Geek. But that wasn’t as bad as this new thing. Sometimes Bethany wondered if she had changed her appearance because Shannon gave her this new image of a girl who glared and couldn’t say anything, a girl who was angry and dark.
Bethany hoped she was who she was for her own reasons.
As the popular kids talked and laughed and seemed to ignore her, Bethany concentrated on the book in her hands. It was Dickens’ Great Expectations , and she couldn’t understand a word on the page. Every day started like this, with Shannon as a constant reminder of Bethany’s cowardice. She had been a coward at that moment, unable to stick up for her best friend, and ever since. Even now she stared at the pages in her book, occasionally turning them, just so Shannon wouldn’t notice her doing something weird. Bethany was always relieved when class started and she had been invisible on Shannon’s radar.
The relief of invisibility was tempered by the fact that she was chicken shit and had been since sixth grade. She wondered which would be more pleasant: taking out Shannon and watching blood splash the faces of all her snotty friends surrounding her, or putting the gun in her own mouth and blasting her cowardly self out of existence.
Mrs. Greenbaum entered the room and jerked Bethany out of her self-loathing. The fifty-something-year-old woman with her graying hair bleached an orangey-blond faced the class. “Good morning, class,” Mrs. Greenbaum said loudly. The talking died down, and Shannon slipped off of Nick’s lap and into her own desk.
Today’s class started with a rapid-fire interrogation on the chapters everyone was supposed to have read the night before. As Bethany hadn’t read the chapters assigned, and hadn’t read past the first two chapters of Great Expectations , her attention quickly moved elsewhere.
One of the windows in the classroom was open, letting in the autumn air. Somewhere, someone was burning leaves. And Bethany’s mind turned again to James, to time they spent together back in July.
Chapter Five
The air blowing from the Oldsmobile’s vents smelled like burning. Bethany was pretty sure it wasn’t from the brush pile they had passed at the Klaski farm, or from the blunt in James’s hand.
Bethany sat in the passenger seat, her legs curled up under a musty blanket from the backseat. Even though it was July, the night air was still almost cold, reminiscent of autumn, which for Bethany was approaching too quickly. James had the radio on, loud, a mix tape of punk bands. In the dark, only the music and the small area illuminated by the headlights seemed to exist.
James was driving fast considering it was dark and he had only one hand on the steering wheel. He kept taking fast, nervous
Shannon saw Bethany open her mouth, and immediately looked Bethany over. “What, are you going to say something? Come on, geek. Let’s hear it.”
And Bethany hadn’t been able to say anything. She’d never had a problem with talking, giving speeches or oral reports or talking to a large crowd of people until after that small incident. “Wait, let’s hear what Bethany has to say,” Shannon said in eighth grade when Bethany stood up in their English class to give an oral report on To Kill a Mockingbird . “What’s on your mind, Bethany? Come on, just say it.” That was all Shannon would have to say to make Bethany cringe inside, forget anything she might have wanted to express, and send her running away from the stares, giggles, and outright laughter of half the school.
Shannon and Nick, the king and queen of the school, kept their dictatorship by publicly humiliating people once and never letting them forget about it. For every fat, weird, too smart, too ugly, too whatever kid in their grade, Shannon and Nick knew how exactly to humiliate them. Until Shannon had muted her, Bethany was called Geek. But that wasn’t as bad as this new thing. Sometimes Bethany wondered if she had changed her appearance because Shannon gave her this new image of a girl who glared and couldn’t say anything, a girl who was angry and dark.
Bethany hoped she was who she was for her own reasons.
As the popular kids talked and laughed and seemed to ignore her, Bethany concentrated on the book in her hands. It was Dickens’ Great Expectations , and she couldn’t understand a word on the page. Every day started like this, with Shannon as a constant reminder of Bethany’s cowardice. She had been a coward at that moment, unable to stick up for her best friend, and ever since. Even now she stared at the pages in her book, occasionally turning them, just so Shannon wouldn’t notice her doing something weird. Bethany was always relieved when class started and she had been invisible on Shannon’s radar.
The relief of invisibility was tempered by the fact that she was chicken shit and had been since sixth grade. She wondered which would be more pleasant: taking out Shannon and watching blood splash the faces of all her snotty friends surrounding her, or putting the gun in her own mouth and blasting her cowardly self out of existence.
Mrs. Greenbaum entered the room and jerked Bethany out of her self-loathing. The fifty-something-year-old woman with her graying hair bleached an orangey-blond faced the class. “Good morning, class,” Mrs. Greenbaum said loudly. The talking died down, and Shannon slipped off of Nick’s lap and into her own desk.
Today’s class started with a rapid-fire interrogation on the chapters everyone was supposed to have read the night before. As Bethany hadn’t read the chapters assigned, and hadn’t read past the first two chapters of Great Expectations , her attention quickly moved elsewhere.
One of the windows in the classroom was open, letting in the autumn air. Somewhere, someone was burning leaves. And Bethany’s mind turned again to James, to time they spent together back in July.
Chapter Five
The air blowing from the Oldsmobile’s vents smelled like burning. Bethany was pretty sure it wasn’t from the brush pile they had passed at the Klaski farm, or from the blunt in James’s hand.
Bethany sat in the passenger seat, her legs curled up under a musty blanket from the backseat. Even though it was July, the night air was still almost cold, reminiscent of autumn, which for Bethany was approaching too quickly. James had the radio on, loud, a mix tape of punk bands. In the dark, only the music and the small area illuminated by the headlights seemed to exist.
James was driving fast considering it was dark and he had only one hand on the steering wheel. He kept taking fast, nervous
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