Behaving Badly Read Free Page B

deeply a few times, then felt my panic subside. On Herman’s face was his habitual expression of exaggerated anxiety. It made me suddenly smile.
    ‘Thanks, Daisy.’ I blew my nose. ‘And thanks for taking care of him,’ I added, as I put Herman down and he began to sniff the new floor.
    ‘Oh, he was no trouble at all. He came to work with me most days.’ Daisy works for ‘The Aid of the Party’, an event and wedding planners based in Bloomsbury. ‘The clients loved him—and when I couldn’t look after him I took himround to my mum. She adored having him, and she was really sorry about… Well, she was really sorry.’
    ‘You didn’t tell her, did you?’
    ‘No. Of course not.’
    ‘Good. What did you say?’
    ‘I just told her that you’d broken up with Alexander, that you were camping here while the work was being done, and that it was a…difficult time.’
    ‘That’s fine. You’re the only person who knows,’ I added quietly, as she put down her bags.
    ‘Don’t worry—my lips are sealed. But didn’t you even tell your mother?’ she asked as she sat down. I shook my head. There are so many things—huge things—that I’ve never told her. I’m too ashamed, so I’ve bottled them up. ‘But why not?’ Daisy asked, looking puzzled.
    ‘Well, because she’s rather jaundiced about marriage, so I knew what she’d say. I just told her the engagement was off. She mostly seemed relieved that she wouldn’t have to see my dad again.’
    ‘But didn’t she want to know why it had ended?’
    ‘She didn’t, actually. But then she’s always so busy—you know how it is. What with three teenage girls to look after, not to mention the boys.’
    Daisy nodded diplomatically. ‘Of course…the boys…’
    ‘Anyway, the fewer people who know, the better I like it.’
    ‘But it’s not as though you did anything wrong.’
    ‘No, but…’
    ‘But what?’
    I stared at a rhombus of sunlight on the wall. ‘The whole thing makes me feel somehow…ashamed. The thought that I could have made such a mistake.’
    ‘But you couldn’t have known . You couldn’t have knownthat Alexander was like…that,’ she said delicately. ‘He seemed so, well…’ she gave a helpless shrug. ‘ Perfect .’
    ‘Yes,’ I said quietly. ‘He did.’
    ‘So not a whisper from him then?’ she asked as she took off her cardigan.
    ‘No,’ I said bitterly. ‘But as we both know it’s over, what’s the point?’
    ‘I don’t blame you,’ she agreed. ‘Some things one can get over,’ she said carefully. ‘But I really don’t see how you could have got over that. Anyway—today’s the summer solstice,’ she went on purposefully, ‘which is a turning point—and this is a turning point for you too. You’re about to start a new, busy, happy phase of your life, Miranda, and I know it’s going to be good . Now, will you give me the guided tour?’
    I stood up. ‘It won’t take long—it’s a good job Herman and I are both small.’ I’m five foot one and a half (at that height, the half matters) and my frame is slight. People often say I’m ‘petite’ or ‘gamine’. Daisy, on the other hand, is five foot eight and rather curvy. At Bristol we were called Little and Large.
    Daisy admired the consulting room with its pale beech flooring, and yes, psychiatrist’s couch—in a practical beige—then we went into the tiny galley kitchen at the back.
    ‘Sweet garden,’ she remarked, as we looked out of the window into the minuscule courtyard. ‘It’ll look great when you fill it with pots.’ Then we went up the narrow stairs. I carried Herman because dachshunds get back problems. ‘I like the skylight over the bed,’ she remarked. ‘Very romantic. You can lie there and look at the stars.’
    ‘I’m not feeling romantic,’ I pointed out matter-of-factly.
    ‘Not now. But you will be. One day.’ She squeezed my arm. ‘You will get over this, Miranda. You’re only thirty-two.’
    ‘I feel fifty-two.